When It’s Time for a Romantic Upgrade

When It’s Time for a Romantic UpgradeI don’t know about you, but the last month before I upgrade my phone is painful. By then, my old phone feels outdated and sluggish.

It doesn’t have enough storage, can’t really handle the apps I use daily, and, maybe worst of all, it’s just not exciting anymore. More than once, I’ve thought it would be really convenient if I happened to drop it in a lake or run over it with my car…just so I can go ahead and get a new one NOW.

I’m not the only one.

According to a recent study, people tend to embrace more reckless behavior with their phones when they’re looking for an excuse to buy the latest model.[i]

You won’t even risk putting a small scratch on your new phone. But your old phone? Eh, you’ll toss it across the pool so a friend can take your picture. Why not?

Which makes me think of something else. Sometimes we do the same thing with relationships.

I’m sure you’ve experienced this. You’re dating someone, things have gone from good, to stale, to not-that-great. But you’re not quite ready to break up.

So maybe you pick a fight or two. Maybe you’re not as supportive as you’d be otherwise. Maybe you get a little careless with the relationship itself because you’re ready for an upgrade.

While this behavior makes perfect sense, it’s not the best way to handle a dying relationship. It just makes the worst part of dating last longer.

If your relationship is in that not-so-great place, there’s a better way. First, you have to answer a critical question (that I’m about to show you). Then, based on your answer, you should take one of two actions.

Continue reading

A Simple Way to Spot Mr. Right

A Simple Way to Spot Mr. RightSo many women regret the time they wasted in unhealthy relationships.

They can’t believe who they fell for.

They can’t believe how long they stuck with dead-end relationships.

But I have one friend who never expresses those kinds of regrets.

Jennifer has always been focused. She knew what she wanted to do back in high school. She’s built the life of her dreams brick by brick. Sometimes she’s been single, sometimes she’s been in relationships, but she’s always been exactly where she needed to be.

Jennifer has a motto that I’d like to share with you.

It’s a unique way of filtering bad relationships from good ones.

Jennifer tells me it hasn’t let her down yet. I’ve even found myself using it in everyday life. It’s one simple question:

“Feel good or future good?”

Will this choice bring me pleasure in the moment, or will it bring me the future I want?

Live for Today, or Live for Tomorrow?

These days, there’s a lot of hype around doing what makes you feel good.

Splurge on that cashmere sweater—you deserve it. Order that rich dessert—you deserve it. Relax instead of doing chores—you deserve it.

With indulgences everywhere you look, you can feel as if you’re depriving yourself by being disciplined. Budgeting, eating healthfully, and working hard are for suckers. Live a little! You only live once.

As attractive as that sounds, feeling good today can lead to feeling really badly tomorrow. Or even an hour later—for some reason my last Thanksgiving feast comes to mind.

That’s where Jennifer’s motto comes in.

(It even helps you spot the man of your dreams. More on that later.)

Choose Long-Term Happiness

When you’re deciding what to do, ask yourself: Feel good or future good?

How To Spot Mr. RightIs this going to give me pleasure in the moment, or is this a step on the way to the amazing future I’ve always dreamed of?

For example, a friend has invited you to a party. You want to stay home in your pajamas and watch Netflix. Feel good or future good?

Staying home might feel good, but getting out and meeting people helps advance your goal of finding someone special.

Here’s another example. You’ve met a couple of different men online. Bachelor #1 is highly attractive, but your gut is telling you he’s a player. Bachelor #2 is soft-spoken and earnest, but he just doesn’t have the same charisma. Who do you decide to see again? Feel good or future good?

Continue reading

“His Secret Obsession” Is the Key to James Bauer’s Relationship Course for Women

What is “his secret obsession”?

His Secret ObsessionWe talk about being “obsessed” a lot. Like when we’re obsessed with a certain TV show. When we can’t get enough of a favorite food. When we can’t put down a book. When we obsess over a desired goal.

Obsession has become a catch-all term for things that we really, really like.

But it’s really something more powerful than that. It’s the driving force that shapes our motivation. It can even shape your personal life story, like a narrative that’s built around a main goal or purpose in life.

Merriam-Webster defines obsession in a few ways:

  • a “compelling motivation”
  • “a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an idea or feeling”

And here are two definitions from Dictionary.com:

  • “the domination of one’s thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.”
  • “the idea, image, desire, feeling, etc., itself.”

So, an obsession is a psychological condition. It’s more than something we want. It’s a state of being. Continue reading

How to Deal With That ONE THING That’s Not Working In Your Relationship

dealing with relationship problemsFill in the blank in the following sentence. Ready?

Everything about my current relationship is great…except _______________________.

What did you put in the blank?

It sucks when almost everything about a dating relationship works. It is because it feels like you are just so close to heaven on earth… If it wasn’t for that one annoying issue.

And yet, it’s extremely common. Often, even really solid couples have one or two core complaints about each other.

But as common as this is, most folks don’t know how to get over the hump. And, ironically, when everything else seems to fit, it makes that one thing that doesn’t fit really stick out.

Like a thorn in your side.

Recently, I came across some good advice for dealing with this kind of thing. In a constant quest to bring you the very best relationship tips, I read a lot – everything from psychological journals to the kinds of magazines you find in supermarkets.

This little tidbit was in an article in Glamour. It was specifically about sex, but the principle can be applied to anything that’s holding you back.

Check out this quote:

“According to sex therapist Vanessa Marin, [getting past that one thing] all comes down to how willing you and your partner are to work on it. If you both are, there’s usually something that can be done. And if one of you isn’t, your relationship probably has bigger problems than sex.”[i]

That’s dead-on.

As long as you and your guy can communicate effectively, no single issue should undo your whole relationship.

So, the real question is when something’s holding your relationship back, how do the two of you work through it?

It’s not too tough as long as you have a good strategy, and the following pointers can help.

Continue reading