The Act of Lovemaking

how to create love in your life

Let’s talk about how to create love out of thin air.

I chose this title (The Act of Lovemaking) to remind you of something important. Love is something we make. It’s not something we find.

It’s completely understandable that you want someone who will cherish you and love you for who you are. I am 100% on board with that mission.

However, I also want to offer this caution. Do not make the mistake of searching for love the way some people search for meaning. You can search for meaning your whole life, and never find it, unless you get your hands dirty trying to help someone.

When you stop searching for meaning, and instead sink your teeth into trying to make a difference in someone’s life, meaning reveals itself to you. It reveals itself in that moment because you created it. The meaning was created by your choice, the choice you made when you decided to care.

You can spend your whole life reading philosophical books about meaning, endlessly debating the true purpose of your life. Yet a feeling of meaning and connection can only be found in your decisions to care about something.

If you want a meaningful life, you have to stop looking for it and start creating it instead.

It’s the same way with love.

how to create love in your lifeErich Fromm said, “Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.” Just as the physical act of lovemaking is something you do, something creative, so the act of finding love is something you do. You choose to create it by choosing to love a person.

Having a crush on someone feels like something that happened to you, rather than something you created. That person suddenly seems very significant to you, and it feels as if love was created automatically.

But that’s just your biology helping you out. Your biology triggers a cascading fountain of psychological and biological desires, but it’s a short-lived spark that will soon die out. Unless you make the choice to love someone on purpose.

Most of you already know and understand what I am saying today. I am writing this as more than just a reminder though. I am writing to share a suggestion.

When you find a man you want to love, make sure he is on board with this concept of creating love on purpose.

Bring up conversations about relationships and love, and at some point, casually ask if he believes in the concept of creating love by choice. A man who rejects this idea is not a person I would recommend you pour your life into.

But if you see a sparkle in his eye when you ask the question, with interest and energy to pursue a conversation on this topic, I recommend you keep that man on your list of romantic interests.

James


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46 thoughts on “The Act of Lovemaking

  1. sondergade25 said:

    When in doubt, flip a coin and you will know which way you want it to land.

  2. I really enjoyed this article. I am really seeking someone that wants to work at creating love.

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