The Art of “Exclusive” Flirting

how to flirtDo you know the difference between “broadcast” flirting and “exclusive” flirting?

Broadcast flirting is on display for everyone to see.

When a woman uses broadcast flirting, everyone around can see what she’s up to.

For example, it’s broadcast flirting when Debbie laughs at all of Daniel’s jokes at the office party and purposefully compliments him in front of others. Exclusive flirting is different.

Think of it like an exclusive club.

There are only two people in the club, and the two people share something exclusive. You may think of yourself as someone who would never use flirting as an attraction tool, maybe because of the potential for embarrassment or a distaste for acting like someone you’re not.

But that’s because you think of all flirting as broadcast flirting.

Broadcast flirting dominates our perception of flirting because it’s what we see most often.

Exclusive flirting is different. It happens behind the scenes.

It’s far more subtle, and in my opinion more effective.

Let’s take a look at two examples of exclusive flirting.

One of the qualities of exclusive flirting is leverage.

One-on-one with your man, the smallest gesture feels magnified in significance. Let’s look at an example.

I’ll never forget the impact of a girl I had a deep respect for in high school.

Her name was Cindy.

We were both eighteen.

We had a lot in common, but we did not have the same group of friends.

We basically ignored each other.

Then one day she changed everything.

There was this girl, Angie, who shared my last name (no relation), and our lockers were side-by-side.

She and her boyfriend liked to make out for the entire five minutes between every period throughout the school day.

I was just asking them to scoot over a few inches so I could close my locker door when Cindy walked up and slipped a note into my locker.

She glanced at me, but without much expression on her face, and continued on her way.

For a second I stood there, trying to resist the urge to grab the note and read it right away.

I managed to tuck the note in my pocket instead, and walk to class as if nothing interesting had happened.

Of course, no one cared about my feigned nonchalance but me.

She was so subtle that I was probably the only one who really noticed.

Well, me, Angie, and her slobber buddy.

Anyway, I got to class with enough time to open the note and read it before class started.

It was a simple message.

She mentioned a few things she had noticed about me.

She paid me a few compliments and told me she admired the way I handled certain things.

That was it.

There was no fanfare or drama, just a simple compliment.

It was up to me if I wanted to imagine the implication of an invisible “check this box if you want to go out with me” clause.

As I passed her in the hall during the next few days, she was just chatting with her group of friends as usual.

But on a few occasions she was walking the opposite direction in the crowded hall as we passed each other.

Without her friends around she locked eyes with me for just a second or two before we both passed silently on our way.

I did not ignore this gesture, in case you were wondering, but the rest of the story is not relevant to my point today.

I just wanted to share an example of exclusive flirting.

how to flirtThe whole thing would have felt far less magical to me if it involved a lot of staring across the lunch room with girlfriends giggling beside her… followed by a dramatic presentation of a note by her chosen crony… who would deliver it in a way that guaranteed a few elbows in my side from several of my buddies.

That would have been broadcast flirting.

There’s nothing exclusive about it.

It makes the relationship into a soap opera that everyone (strangely) thinks they have ownership in.

I know… you’re not in high school anymore.

I get it.

So here’s a grown-up example.

But before I get into this example, I just want to let you know about an opportunity to upgrade your flirting skills.

I have put together a concise report with just the information you need to know to get good at flirting right away.

Click here to check it out.

One of the principles you’ll learn from my concise report on flirting skills is this.

Flirting is nothing more than an expression of interest.

Flirting is the language of interest.

A friend of mine used to work in a nursing home as a recreational director.

She told me the unfolding saga of two employees who worked there.

One was an assistant in her department, and the other was the head of the maintenance department.

The assistant had a huge crush on the maintenance guy.

But the only reason my friend knew about it was because the assistant bashfully asked if she would get in trouble for flirting with a fellow employee at work.

After that, they just seemed to become a couple.

My friend had to ask what happened because she never saw any indication of flirting.

Here’s what happened.

The assistant simply showed interest by paying attention to him.

She started by asking about some of his work related routines.

She spaced out her expressions of interest, allowing him to warm up to her.

She would usually only approach him when he was working alone in the hallway, or as she passed him outside the building on her way in.

She would only pause for thirty seconds or so, but she was consistent in demonstrating interest each time she ran into him.

Then she made a move that allowed her to shift her flirting to another level.

After complimenting him about the breadth of his knowledge about maintenance related issues, she asked if he would be horribly offended by the idea of giving her his phone number in case she ran into a problem he could advise her about outside of work.

Now she had an avenue that made exclusive flirting easy.

He was a few years older than her, and texting was not something he had gotten used to.

She got him used to it.

He came to enjoy her text-based friendship and eventually asked her out.

One of my preferred strategies described in my concise flirting report is focused on finding an avenue that makes exclusive flirting easier.

If you enjoyed this article on flirting, there’s a good chance you would enjoy my short report even more.

You can learn more about it here.

Till next time!

James Bauer


What Men Secretly Want

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11 thoughts on “The Art of “Exclusive” Flirting

  1. Sherri said:

    I never really thought of it this way, but exclusive flirting really does work. There’s a guy who did some work in my condo a while back. I knew he liked me but he never called and asked me out. A few months later, I sent him a picture of my finished kitchen (that he worked on) so he could see the finished project. He then invited himself over to see it, which surprised me. We started talking after that but with our busy schedules never found time to get together. After a while I wondered whether he was even really that interested in me. Then instead of trying to test him for his interest level, I turned the tables and just did all the things you mentioned in the article. I started asking detailed questions about his job and giving him a few sincere compliments. I told him I respected how hard he worked and how difficult his job is. And I teased him a little about a few things in a subtly flirtatious way. Before I knew it, he had sent me 3 emails, and now he has changed his work schedule to come by tomorrow night to fix something in my house and have dinner. I feel like I’ve discovered some sort of secret to unlocking a man’s interest. I didn’t realize what I was doing until I woke up and read this article. Thanks for the validation!

    • James Bauer said:

      Excellent! Way to go, Sherri!

  2. Nour said:

    Hi James,
    I have been a close follower of your writing and want to thank you for the valuable advices you share with us. I have just a question regarding the topic: being very honest in a relationship.

    I came to know a guy through a dating site and he is not living in my country. During our communication which lasted only one week but very intensive, long hours per day he was very honest and open and always told me he wants me to feel safe that he is real and not a playful guy enjoying time fishing girls on these sites. Well within this week of our chatting he told me all about his life and the last chat msg with him was a very long one, where he revealed all the troubles he had with his wife (currently separated since a year) and his 3 children. He revealed too much, all the drama he had and while writing he kept telling me “now you feel this is scary, like putting your hands in a box of worms, I think I don’t fit anymore to you”, but i reassured him that i am not judging his past and we all have our good part of drama and just ended with him the chat in a good funny way to cheer him up. The next day he was so distant telling me he is so busy and on the day after he blocked me on whatsapp, Viber and facebook. No communication at all. I called him and send msgs but he never received them. I felt he is now so vulnerable and feels so exposed because of all what he said. Now a week passed and nothing from his side. My question: what do you think happened, was i wrong that i tried to cheer him up , was i supposed to reveal also the drama in my life so he feels better, will he come back, or that’s it????
    I would really appreciate if you can give me your insights on this, you sure saw many cases like his but it is actually my first time to encounter this and I feel so confused!!
    Nour

    • James Bauer said:

      My guess is that he realized (through the process of communication with you) that he does not believe himself to be ready for a relationship. He is not proud of what he presented to you and he realized that even if you thought it was a good idea to continue to pursue the relationship, he no longer thinks so.

      Sometimes we come to discoveries like this while talking to someone else. He is probably shutting you out instead of trying to explain everything and deal with your objections to closing down the relationship. I’m sorry you had this negative experience.

  3. Meredith said:

    Nour,
    I hate to say it bluntly however you dodged a bullet. My guess is thus guy is a fisherman. He lives out of the country anyway so why would you even want to develop feeling for him.
    No trust me he’s not feeling vulnerable and exposed, this is part of his game girl. There’s no way in hell a man living in another country is going to spend several hours a day on the phone with a woman unless he is fishing for something.
    It’s very easy for a man to come up with the conclusion (in his mind) that you are desperate and lonely simply because you gave that much of your time on the phone.
    You didn’t give him the right response and maybe he saw you as to much of a challenge to get where was trying to go.
    All of your attempts to reach him is scarry though, you owe him NOTHING, and by doing that I wouldn’t be surprised if he contacts you again now that he knows he made you feel bad and that he was afraid you may not accept him.
    So be grateful you dodged a bullet.

    P.S.
    it’s more than ok to be picky, if you don’t want a seperate but MARRIED man with three kids it’s MORE than okay.

    I’m sure this article is about being good, catching, or keeping the RIGHT man.

    Good luck

  4. A said:

    Hello,James.
    Is this the course that I have ordered? I can’t tell if it is just the prologue or the a ctual information

    Thanks for your help again.

    • James Bauer said:

      No, these emails are “extras.” This is not the course you ordered. To access your relationship course materials, look for an email with your login information (be sure to check your “promotions tab” if you use gmail, and check to see if it was accidentally sent to your spam box. If you don’t see it, please reach out to my support staff by sending an email to support@beirresistible.com

      James

  5. Adriana said:

    James,

    I will make an effort in practicing the art of exclusive flirting! Thanks for the advise.

    Adriana

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