There’s a problem with online dating sites.
It’s not that there aren’t enough guys using them. Or even enough good guys.
The problem is that it’s incredibly difficult to find the specific type of man you want.
Luckily, there’s a powerful tool all online dating sites have. This tool can help you weed out lots of bad matches. And focus on exactly what you want.
Unfortunately, it’s a tool most people don’t use very well.
I’m talking about the search function.
Now, undoubtedly, you have used search on dating sites. But I can almost guarantee that you have done one of two things:
1) Kept it too general, or
2) Gotten too specific
Both cause different issues and frustrations.
If you’re too general, you’ll get lots of matches. Maybe even too many matches. But almost none will be close to what you want.
If you’re too specific, you may end up with no matches.
Either scenario can leave you feeling frustrated. And very, very alone.
You might start to think there are no worthwhile guys online. No one who matches what you’re really looking for.
But I guarantee this isn’t true. So many people use online dating sites today. There are men online that are well-suited for you. Probably quite a few of them.
The trick is knowing how to find them.
Using search the right way helps a lot. So I’m going to teach you exactly how to do that.
But first, let’s talk a bit about dating sites themselves and the types of people they attract. Because if you want to find “your” type of man, the first step is to go where he is.
If this were the “real” world, I would tell you to frequent places your “type” is likely to be. Join activities they enjoy. And so on.
Online dating is no different in this respect.
There are a ridiculous number of niche dating sites out there. For people of specific ages. Particular religions. Those who are gluten-free. Farmers. (Yes, you read that right. Farmers!)
I could go on and on.
So before you do anything else, search for sites that match characteristics you want in your ideal guy. And give them a try.
Once you’re on a few, it’s time to learn how to search the right way.
As always, the first thing to do is think about what you want in a guy. He’s honest. He’s kind. He plays the cello. He has a six-pack.
Whatever your “must-haves” are, know them. Keep a list handy if it helps.
You will use this list to “refine” your search. Which is a fancy way of saying narrow your focus.
Most dating sites have many “refinement” options. By age. Distance. Interests. Values. Appearance. And more.
What I want you to do is get as specific as possible. I know, I know. I warned you about being too specific. But bear with me.
To get specific, you may have to think creatively about some of the categories. If you want a six-pack, for example, look under “Appearance” or choose “fitness” or “working out” as an interest.
When you have as many of your “must-haves” represented as you can, click search.
If you’re lucky, you’ll get a few results. Feel free to check them out. Maybe one will be the perfect guy. Maybe not.
More likely, you’ll get no results. Like I said – too specific.
Normally, this is the point where people get frustrated. Don’t.
Instead, take another look at your “refinement” list. Figure out what’s least important. Remove it. Then search again.
You can keep doing this as long as you are comfortable. Remove characteristics you can live without to broaden your search further.
But I have an additional suggestion.
Go back to that super-refined list. Last time, the first thing you removed was “six-pack.”
This time, leave it. Instead, decide that he doesn’t have to play the cello. See what results you get.
Hopefully, you’re starting to see how powerful search can be.
You can find very different groups of men who meet (many of) your requirements. And it teaches you how important the various characteristics you want really are.
So, take the time to really learn how to use your dating site’s search function. The right men are out there. And now that you know how to look, you can actually find them!
I want to know what i do to chase away men from me i know i crywhen they say they are interested in other women. Cause i like him a great deal but he stays away from me and won’t come around me and will not share his deepest darkest secrets.
Hi- My name is Lisa. I like the suggestions you gave in “The Best Way to Find the Type of Guy You Really Want Online”. Over the past 7 years I have been on MANY dating sites with horrible results (“matches” that weren’t really matches; men that lie about their name, height, pictures are old and don’t resemble current appearance; men that want nothing but being pen pals, communication that I think is going well and then everything stops abruptly). And, not to forget to mention the two money scams – you’d think I would have learned after the first one. I even invested in a very expensive dating company that matched men & women — and nothing! I hoped they had better knowledge and resources than what I was trying. Nope! Back to your article. You commented of a search function available on dating sights, but I don’t remember that option. I have been on EHarmony (x2), Christian Mingle, Farmers Only, OurTime, Tinder (x2). I have purchased your different products and reading diligently (I have not read a book since leaving college 29 years ago due to a lack of time mostly!) hoping to be educated on what I’ve been doing wrong being divorced since 2005. Being a single mother of three great kids was the main focus for most of these years, which I am very proud of their successes! Working full-time, extra-curricular activities (volunteer for all of their sports and Boy Scouts) for three involved children, and a house to manage definitely has taken a toll on my love life. I never expected being alone this long. Now that my youngest is almost 17 and empty nesting is fast approaching, I want to figure this dating process out and decided to invest in my time now. I also read “Where to Meet Quality Men Worth Dating” and “Dating Profiles that Snag REAL Men” with many good suggestions. Mike Fiore has also provided great texting ideas — they do work well! But, the man I was communicating with and trying to develop a relationship with lived 2,000+ miles away in Canada and he didn’t want to commit to the long distance relationship (I read that one too!). We continue to be friends, which I am greatful for. I guess I went into many topics and details here and needed to write. Thank you for your time, resources I will continue to study, and any help you can provide.
Lisa
I hear you Lisa. i would suggest you stop the dating sites and instead focus on yourself. Begin feeling good enough about you. Spend some time on you, for a change. You have been a good mum. Now it is you time! Get a manicure, get a facial, buy fresh flowers for yourself. Do something different. Take a dancing class. Above all else, believe you are worthy of love and the rest will happen. Trust your inner wisdom.
Hi Lisa,
I feel I can relate to your situation at some point. LDR (Long Distance Relationship) is hard to keep up with, no matter how nice is the person to you. One of the best advises that I received from relationship coaches was “Never get involve or start dating a man who is in long distance with you”. This type of friendship will be difficult to develop in to something closer and deeper, because of the luck of face to face communications. Skype is good only for short terms, and after a few weeks you need to see the real person and have real interactions with him.
In my experience LDR was 8 hours driving by car, and it was a huge distance for me, I am not able to drive to my man for so many hours. So he took the driving responsibility and was driving to my location for almost a year until he got very sick and not able to drive to me.
Long story short, the long distance is a killer. In your case it is even longer distance, so only airplane can be an option for you to see your man. To develop a close relationship you need to be able to see him more often, so My advise to you try to meet people in your local area, where you can arrange the meeting in person easily. Online communications are good for the short term only. If the person is hesitating to meet you is a red flag for you.
My best wishes for you and all who is reading it.
Lana.
Thank you !!
I would love to have a man in my life that will really love me be by my side who will be there for me never too busy for me..