Give Your Man This, Even if He Doesn’t Deserve It

how to be more positive“I believe in you.” It’s nice when someone says that to you, isn’t it?

But what does it really mean? They believe you exist? Of course not. They’re saying they believe in your ability to achieve something. Or they believe in your general goodness and value.

In a way, when someone says “I believe in you,” they are practicing the art of positive thinking. They are choosing to believe the best. It feels good when you are the recipient of that faith.

I recently stumbled across a survey of jokes that were voted to be among the best. I thought this one was funny…

“I saw a book called The Power of Positive Thinking and thought I should probably read that. But then I thought, ‘What the hell good would that do?’ and I walked away.”

I like this joke because it makes light of a trap many of us find ourselves in. Once the human mind starts down the track of negative thinking, it can be difficult to switch tracks. It’s not easy to suddenly decide to be a positive person.

Once the rolling snowball of negativity starts to build, it can feel nearly impossible to reverse course. But there’s one method, one simple psychological side step that can do the trick.

I’m talking about a simple mental habit. You can get the benefits today. But there is also a long-term payoff…

A permanent increase in feelings of happiness.

According to Rick Hansen, PhD, the author of Hardwiring Happiness, you can rewire your brain so you feel happy more often.

Feelings of gratitude and well-being become automatic when you think certain kinds of thoughts. Thoughts that force your brain to adopt new neural structures.

All you have to do is make the simple choice to get thankful about something, even if most of your life sucks right now. It’s gratitude that does the trick. Look for things to feel grateful for.

The instant benefit is improved mood. And in the long run, it rewires your brain for happiness.

Today, I want to suggest one simple form of gratitude. It has to do with the mindset you bring to dating.

I challenge you to be grateful for the power you have to love others. It’s a simple thing, but it really is something worth celebrating.

You have love, and you are able to give it to someone else. That is a precious gift of immeasurable value.

Dating provides micro opportunities to practice the art of giving your love away. Don’t worry about using it up. Unlike other valuable resources, your supply tends to grow the more you practice giving it away.

As you know, most of us fall into the trap of becoming increasingly negative and panic stricken as we try to find someone else to love us. We all want to be loved, but other people don’t do it right, or at least not perfectly. So we become focused on the problems in our love life.

No one would blame the victim of a spinal cord injury for focusing on the sudden problems that come from paralysis. Yet a 2013 research study in Canada involving fifteen people with spinal cord injuries found something interesting. The vast majority of them were practicing gratitude, particularly gratitude about the simple things.

They told the researchers how they began to deeply appreciate small things they had previously taken for granted. They gave examples like the birds chirping in the morning hours outside their window. Or the small gestures of kindness they were still able to offer when interacting with others.

The feeling of gratitude is like a breath of fresh air you can literally feel in your body. It’s a positive sensation you can actually notice if you pay attention.

You may not be in a relationship right now, or you may be in one that is not meeting all of your needs. But I challenge you to take thirty seconds to adopt a new mindset. Dating becomes a lot more fun when you focus on what you have to give. The beautiful gift of love.

Don’t wait until you find the perfect person to give it to. Give it away in tiny doses to people who don’t even deserve it.

how to be more positiveBecause appreciating the beauty of the love you have within you will make you glow from the inside out. It will boost your immune system, lower your stress, and enhance the natural beauty of who you are.

Today I am grateful for the opportunity to have a small influence in your life, hopefully in a positive direction. I believe you are valuable and intrinsically good.

I believe in your ability to choose a positive direction for your thoughts. I believe in your potential to enhance the irresistible qualities you already possess. And I believe you’re going to have fun in the process.

In short, I believe in you.

Your Dating Coach from a Distance,


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66 thoughts on “Give Your Man This, Even if He Doesn’t Deserve It

  1. Dana Banov said:

    Hi James,

    Reading your thoughts about many aspects of communication tell me you have learned much about eternal principles and values, earning real wisdom which you lovingly convey to so many of us who need to rewire our habitual tendencies. It’s very easy to overlook all that we have to be grateful for every day and to focus on worries or problems which drain our energy. I appreciate your insightful words so much today, as they remind me that with conscious awareness I can choose to pay attention to all that is good in my life and increase joy to myself and all around me.

    Thank you!

    • James Bauer said:

      Thank you for your encouraging words, Dana. It means a lot to me.

  2. Anastasia Ifandis said:

    I believe in you and your unconditional kindness to help others find themselves.

    Thank you.

    • James Bauer said:

      Anastasia, you are a gem. Thank you. 🙂

  3. Lydia said:

    Hi James~
    Praise the LORD for you James, you’re upbeat, caring, & concerned about others. I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts & then implementing them with great success.
    Remember Monty Python’s Eric Idle singing, “Always look on the bright side of life.”

    God bless you & keep ’em coming!

  4. Nichola said:

    Amazing thank you
    We don’t see the woods for the trees sometimes

  5. Mary H. said:

    Wonderful inspiration! Thank you for telling us a secret to a meaningful, happy life. I appreciate your work and giving to others, believing in us, loving us. So thankful for you.

  6. Anonymous said:

    Wonderful article James….follows right along with many Biblical passages of thanksgiving and gratitude!

    • Veronica said:

      Right, I agree. Well said

  7. Tanya said:

    You know James, I was about to unsubscribe from your emails and I started to read this post feeling bored from many promises for miracles which were suppose to happen right after watching 10 minutes of another promises and after paying some amounts to another love expert. Really!

    But this post is a diamond and changed my decision. Thank you for it!

  8. K-Mnyn said:

    Amen! James,
    Am going thru this very thing with some people right now!…
    Your post affirmed & confirmed much for me, as this IS exactly what I think too, as well as, what I’ve CHOSEN to do in MY life & share such insight with others I know & encounter…(I’ve studied the social sciences & life coaching
    too for much of my time on this planet,hence I can render conclusion btw-YOURE ONE OF THE BEST IVE COME TO KNOW OF!!)
    Keep up your splendiforous work!

  9. Gerri said:

    This was a breath of fresh air. I needed it and I am sure others did as well. It reminds us to lighten up, breathe, be thankful and give to others and good will come to us.

  10. Maree Middleton said:

    Hello James
    About 10years ago I was grateful for everything that came my way and then I got lost along the way. Thank you for the inspiring and heart felt msgs and snooks, Just love reading what you have to say.
    I’m am sure what I put into practice is definitely working but my take some time to really improve..
    However I’m very greatful to you and everyone else who connects on different levels and to the universe. I am just greatful to a life in general.
    Thank you xo

    • Maree Middleton said:

      My apologies “Ebooks not snooks”

  11. Nancy said:

    Thank you James for such an inspirational message. It reminds me of a time I was very ill, dealing with inflammation in my body because my antibodies were attacking my muscle enzymes and debilitating me. I had to take high doses of steroids and I was very weak. My hair fell out, my face blew up, I had rashes in parts of my body, I was looking like a monster. Some mornings I couldn’t even get up from the bed without help. Because of this I was depressed and feeling sorry for myself. But one morning, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I began to pity myself again and asking God how was I going to get through another day like this, I can’t even move. Then something miraculous happened. God said, “Be grateful for what you can do, and for what you have.” That simple message changed my entire attitude. I began to say thank you because I can see, I can hear, I can eat, I can touch, I can talk, I have a job, I have a home, I have my family, my grandkids, I have insurance, I have …. so many things to be thankful for. The pity party stopped immediately and I was able to get dressed and go to work. Enough said!

    Love Nancy

  12. hauwa said:

    I have always believed in your words James,thank you for believing in me.

  13. Agnes said:

    Thank you, beautiful message.

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