Don’t Miss These “Silent Moment” Opportunities for Intense Connection with Your Man

connecting deeply with your man

Hey, It’s James. Back with another quick tip for relationship success.

Tell me if you can relate to this situation…

It was unexpected. But, then again, such moments always are.

The conversation reached a natural conclusion. Normally, that would have prompted them to find a new topic, but not this time. Instead, he looked at her and she looked at him.

For a moment, that’s all there was. Just silence, pure and profound. It was powerfully intimate.

The beginning of any relationship is filled with near-constant chatter. We’re so excited to get to know the other person, sometimes we literally talk for hours.

But the first milestone of deep connection isn’t something said. Instead, it’s when you can comfortably sit with someone and say nothing at all.

That kind of silence speaks volumes for connecting deeply with your  man.

To be clear, I’m not talking about a mere lull in the conversation. This isn’t the kind of silence that happens when your mind is wandering, either. These are moments of rare mutual desire to embrace another person through the silence. It’s like saying, “Just your presence is enough for me.”

When you reach the first moment of that kind of silence in a romantic relationship, you know something special is happening. The hard part is not spoiling it.

To make the most of that beautiful moment, I’d like to offer two suggestions.

Here’s the first suggestion for connecting deeply with your man. Don’t talk about it!

Moments of shared silence are power-packed. They’re also a little scary. This is uncharted territory. You’re well beyond social convention. After all, you’re supposed to run from these moments, not embrace them, right?


Even though the vast majority of the time you would actively work to avoid awkward moments of silence, this moment is different. It represents a passage into a secret world where the two of you share an understanding.

If you break that moment by making a comment like, “I guess we ran out of things to talk about!” you are backing away from the bond that was about to be created.

Instead of calling it out, leave the moment as an intimate experience that doesn’t require comment. It is something special you shared that goes beyond words.

And here’s my second suggestion. Don’t turn it into something physical.

connecting deeply with your manIt’s common to experience brief moments of silence during physical displays of intimacy. A pause before a kiss, for example. But the first time you connect with your partner without words is different and special. If you rush past it, even to offer a kiss, it loses some of its power. It ends up feeling like a preamble to something else instead of the amazing stand-alone that it should have been.

Not that kisses and words can’t be wonderful, too. They certainly can be. But that first moment of connection through silence is a treasure.

Watch for those moments. The first one is incredible, and they will continue to happen throughout your relationship.

When those moments find you, don’t rush through them. Instead, let them happen. Embrace them fully. And allow them to strengthen the bond between you and your partner.

Till next time!
James Bauer

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30 thoughts on “Don’t Miss These “Silent Moment” Opportunities for Intense Connection with Your Man

  1. Roman said:

    the author of this article has reached the (understanding of) Love.
    I’d like to add that although it is only a brief moment it is a way to the infinity.

  2. Kerin said:

    I had one of these incredible moments. It was our second date and we were sitting on the glider on the deck star gazing and chatting. We became silent and it was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. Possibly the moment I knew I wanted this person in my life. Alas, a family illness on his side has taken him from me and I don’t know if we’ll get back together, but I do know I am ever so grateful to the Universe for giving me that moment with that person.

  3. Judy said:

    Ugh!! I seem to point out moments like this. (as if he didn’t notice) However, from here on out, I will leave it alone and just enjoy the moments. Thanks for this gentle reminder 🙂

  4. Ann Albers said:

    I love this! There is a depth of communication between souls in the silence. Heart to heart, spirit to spirit, a single glance conveys volumes. Most people can do things together but it takes a special bond to just “be” in that space of communion between souls. I am a spiritual teacher, talk to angels and gaze in silence, catalyzing sometimes miraculous healings and it is in this space that we are indeed more intimate than we could ever be with words. How beautiful you write about this. Your work is lovely. I signed up to refer you to clients since I resonate deeply with your kind and wise messages. Got bless you.

  5. Margaret Day said:

    I just experienced that moment Easter Sunday. It was wonderful and actually quite comfortable. An amazing thing for my boyfriend who is even chatter than I!

    I hadn’t realized that we had just reached a higher level of intimacy, but it felt so good!

  6. Sly said:

    This is a great piece.
    I think people should not spoil such moments considering it is awkward most times abd wonder what the other person is thinking about.
    Sometimes we may second guess ourselves but truly it is not thar much of a deal,until one is in that situation.
    Good read 🙂

  7. Jengi said:

    Wow. I never knew this or even thought about it.

    Thank you.

  8. Theresa said:

    3 or 4 months he stopped, no conversation with me. He stopped in everything toward me. I wondered what is he pulling away from me? I tried to ask few questions but it was not there with me. Probably wrong moves what I was asked him “What is wrong with you, are you stopped loving me? He wants to be a single again, because he is not ready at all. I wondered. So is guess I have to move on and find a place of my own. But I am stuck with him. I felt like he used me, my God. I don’t know what else to do now! It is freaking me out. I have no choice to find myself a place to live somewhere . If God helps me to find a nice place to live closer to my children, but it is not their lives. It is my choice to find a true love out there, but I can’t find him who he is to me once. I lost him once or twice. I know it is tough to search the right one to match my maker. I let it go, it is not going to make me any better person after all. My boyfriend lost all energy, withdraw toward me for 4 months now. I think it was wrong for him to invite me into his house any I shouldn’t live there any not all. I am so stupid that he withdrew everything about himself, I felt awful what he told me that he said that he loved me but why withdraw? To me he is out of question didn’t get the right answers. I believe that he is not thinking what he was saying to me like. I felt draining myself down deeply lost it all. It is not worth to be with him in this house. I need to get out of here, he is not what I deserved a man who is not drinker like beer everyday. He gets too drunk, I was responsibility for his actions. I don’t like it anymore.

  9. tonya montgomery said:

    I recently met an amazing man.we bit it off immediately have been the ting and talking everyday for 2 weeks then all the sudden on Friday he just backs way up..I get one text from him saying he’s too busy to follow through w uor plans.I’m devastated.sat.I don’t call orvtext him .he text me abt 3 pm.just seeing what I was doing .530 he text me agsinsYing I shouldn’t come over because the weather was too bad. His child was F his house too. Later that evening I told him that I was freaking out cause ivwas feeling something And wasn’t prepare d for these emotions. .he said”you always have feelings when you know its the right one” , I almost fell out. I was like o.m.g. are you feeling it too. But he pulls me closer then pushes me away.I feel like I’m flipping or jumping through hoops. Help im just trying to give him the space that he needs to do whatever. But don’t know what my next move ould be

    • James Bauer said:

      Reach for stability in your approach, Tonya. Rushing (with commitments or allowing your heart to completely attach) does not actually make a destined relationship more likely. If it is meant to be, and you really are a good match, time will reveal that. Don’t rush to figure him out and don’t rush to decide if he is “the one.” Give it time. Participate fully, but don’t let his ups and downs change your steady approach to learning about how he is. Learning who a person is requires interaction and observation over an extended time frame.


      • Sveta said:


        I am wondering what would be the appropriate “extended time frame”? How long is it reasonable time to wait till the guy makes a decision, if I am the one? I am looking for a life long commitment, but my man is not ready to share the house & financials with me. We were dating for 18 months by now, but for last 5 months it was an LDR for me. He is making all kind of excuses Why we life far away from each other, but to me those excuses are not the real problem I am facing here. How long should I wait, till it is time for me to say “I am no longer able to wait for you my dear”? Is any reasonable time frame for waiting? Please advise,

        God bless,

  10. Carole said:

    James, I have an unusual situation. My guy lived here on my property with another woman when she was renting from my husband and I, so that is how I initially met him. My husband died almost 3 years ago and Chris and I started talking and texting from time to time. When I had a question on how to deal with something, I would contact him and I appreciated his very logical advice. He is an over the road truck driver, and we have only seen eachother 2 times in the last year. It has been 8 months since I saw him and in our phone conversations and texts and emails it has become very physically oriented and passionate in many ways. But he is 15 years younger than I am and he is very critical of me and of my appearance, and the things I do. I feel jealousy on his part for the freedom I have to do the things I do. I am not doing well financially but am self employed and love the flexibility of my lifestyle. It is very important to me. I am taking classes to get my CDL A license and we have talked of buying a truck together and driving as a team. I am one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and he is not at this time, but a real lover of God and we talk of spiritual things often, which is the thing that intrigued me from the beginning. The last time we did see each other in person we met while of the road and I spent the night in his truck but we did not have a physical relationship. We did kiss and hug, as I was quite concerned that there might not be a mutual attraction. I need not have worried! We were both very excited but I held him back and he respected that. So, in other words, our relationship is over the phone. We may speak to each other several times in one day or go a few without speaking. I only want to pursue the relationship if it leads to marriage, and do not want to compromise my beliefs and relationship with Jehovah. He is of the same feeling-not interested in boyfriend/girlfriend or just living together, but in a marriage arrangement. He recognizes the bond of sex and how it truly bonds two people together. I am telling you all of this because I would like to know how to get him to stop being so critical of everything I do. He wants me to lose weight and I have a goal and a time frame for accomplishing that. I am doing well in my program but it is not as fast as he would like it to be, and I am truly doing this for myself. I feel 100 times better than I did, have more energy, confidence and look much younger than my 61 years. In fact, I would say I have reduced my visible age by at least 10 years. I can’t stop thinking about him and want him in my life but am concerned about his critical nature and controlling behavior. But he has made me feel alive for the first time in years. My husband was impotent and I have been celibate for over 14 years. It is my time to have a husband that is young and vital and makes me really feel like a young woman again!

    Any advice?

    • James Bauer said:

      I like that you have set a goal and a timeline for accomplishing your health/fitness goal. Could you request the same thing for him with regard to his critical comments? I suggest you outline for him what a week of conversations would and would not contain (with regard to advice-giving and critical comments) and set a goal for him to work toward that. If he is unwilling, then do you really want to tie yourself to him in marriage? He may or may not like it, but it is necessary for your happiness.

      • Zigadenus said:

        I advise you to completely rethink this situation. The one thing I have learned in my 46 years is that people do not change. From what you say, he doesn’t seem to think you are good enough to be with him in your current state. If he wants you to change your appearance and employment to suit him before you are together, then what will he want next?! That is a very bad beginning to any kind of relationship! Someone who loves you and wants to be with you will not say things that lead you to have bad or harshly critical feelings about yourself. We learn and change and grow best by positive reinforcement and he is already tearing you down through critical comments. You might be attracted to this man, but you could be really miserable with him in the long run.

  11. Loren said:

    A beautiful description and sense of that special moment. They are heartfelt, bonding treasures.

    I’m in a relationship that has had significant ups & downs. It’s long distance & following a misunderstanding we had been out-of-touch for longer than before. We had met up briefly and arranged to get together at his place for a few days. I arrived while he was at work and waited outside in small cabin he is restoring. Having not seen his family for several months, they began to come by and hangout to talk. When he arrived from work and literally walked into a room full of people and I was “trapped” in the back corner, as he walked in the door & we could not have that moment of greeting I know we both anticipated…the look we shared in that moment, the gladness at seeing each other conveyed through our eyes & expression when we couldn’t use words… is a memory and feeling I cherish.

    I’m new to this community, tonight really. But I have picked up so many precious pearls of wisdom that have brought me hope that this man, whom I adore, and I will finally get our relationship “right” & respect & enjoy all we have together.

    James – your words have inspired me to be retrospective while opening my eyes to a slight shift in perspective that will, I believe lead to something wonderful. Your gift is a blessing to so many. Thank you for sharing. I have been amazed at how many “spot on” , profound connections your words have already made with my circumstances. I can’t wait to put them into action. Thank you!

  12. Aleida Mejia said:

    I like what I’m learning THX

  13. Mac said:

    I think im learning here I used to also disturb those moments, thank you for the advise.

  14. Mona Lisa said:

    Beautifully thank you^*^ I have the gift^*^ and it feels like thousand of angels are around us^*^ the embience suddenly become very divine and lovely^*^ the feeling is from the heart and the energy of ‘I love you ‘ is flowing through the eyes between the two of us in harmony with the whole universe^*^ we are the luck two^*^

    • Lorna (LaLa) said:

      You certainly are the lucky two!! What a wonderful statement and how encouragng for the rest of us that you have such a loving connection with someone. Cherish it – and long may it continue for you. LaLa

      • Nokzi said:

        Wow i thought i knew better, thank you, you have made my day

  15. Susan said:

    what a delicious reminder..thank you

  16. marion said:

    Beautifully stated. You captured the heart and the soul at the very same time.

  17. Evelyn said:

    I’ve experienced that moment of silence with someone very special in my lifeand I completely agree about the deep connection and bond that is created.
    Thank you for your articles. Look forward to more.

  18. Sunehla Bala said:

    So beautiful. I will surely cherish those moments.

    • S said:

      I agree that James has given a beautiful explanation for a deeply intimate experience that is wonderful for both men and women.

  19. Nancy said:

    Dear James,
    Thank you for all of your wonderful post. I’m so grateful that I now know some things that will make my relationships that much stronger. I look forward to receiving your emails.
    Thank you,

    • James Bauer said:

      I’m glad to have you as a reader, Nancy. Thanks for participating on the blog.


      • TSHEPISO said:

        wow… those moments

    • Gigi said:

      Hi James, how about when you’re on the phone and there’s silence. Is it the same thing? My boyfriend actually complained about having to carry on a conversation. For me, I don’t really mind when we both stop talking…but him he feels like it’s time to say goodbye. How should I deal with this?

      • James Bauer said:

        No, Gigi. It’s not the same on the phone. Keep phone calls short and sweet. Being in someone’s presence on the phone does not have the same meaning and value.

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