The “Passion Killer” Emotion. Do You Have It?

what kills passion in relationships” Emotion. Do You Have It?Indifference. It’s the saddest feeling in the world. Which is ironic, because indifference isn’t a feeling at all.

It’s the opposite of a feeling.

An indifferent person is like a car with no gas. People reach a point of indifference when there’s just nothing left in their emotional tank.

Indifference is the opposite of the things that make us human. Love, joy, anger, fear, hunger, curiosity, passion, lust and even loss– all vanquished by indifference.

Nobel Prize winner and Nazi prison camp survivor Elie Wiesel put it this way: “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.”

Indifference is sadder than sadness. When a person is indifferent, they aren’t engaged in life. They don’t care. Nothing matters. What could possibly be sadder than that?

I tend to think of indifference as an early symptom of soul sickness. Don’t ignore this red flag. If you’re feeling it, even a little bit, it’s time for a change. Here’s why you need to act fast.

Indifference is both progressive and contagious. If you give indifference a chance to take root, the sense of not caring will only grow. What feels like mild apathy today can be full-blown indifference tomorrow, sucking the joy and passion out of every area of your life.

As if that’s not bad enough, indifference is also like the flu. It passes easily from one person to another. Perhaps that’s why indifferent people tend to cluster together.

The good news is that indifference isn’t that hard to defeat. What’s more, the cure is fun. All you have to do to beat indifference is embrace passion. Get passionate about something, anything, and indifference will disappear on its own.

When you plunge headlong into life, investing yourself deeply in something you truly care about, life begins to flow through you. That life force is the antidote to indifference.

what kills passion in relationshipsBut your passion has to be real. In other words, you have to genuinely care enough that you’re willing to invest time, effort, and energy into something you believe is worth-while.

If you do that, an amazing thing will happen. People who care deeply often discover hidden resources and strengths in themselves they didn’t even know were there. You’ll come alive in a special new way. It will make your life, and the lives of everyone around you, better.

Reclaim who you were meant to be.

Find a cause. Recommit to something you once cared about. End relationships that suck the meaning out of your life. Begin a new relationship that leaves you feeling invigorated. Take sides. Choose to commit to something that matters. Do whatever it takes.

Purpose makes life rich and meaningful. So reject indifference. Live the passionate, purposeful life you were meant for.

Always on your side,

James Bauer

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20 thoughts on “The “Passion Killer” Emotion. Do You Have It?

  1. Catie said:

    Thank you for the article. I am in a similar situation, a little worse since he told me he isnt attracted, and somewhere the passion faded. He only sees me as friend, and that there isnt any relationship. I am afraid that I have fallen into the “friend for benefit” hole, and not sure how to get out of that spot. There are days he’s really attentive and loving. Then there are days he is so indifferent, made me feel almost bipolar. Does anyone fall into the same situation?

    • Lorna (LaLa) said:

      Hi Catie, You say you have fallen into the “friends with benefits” hole and don’t know how to get out. As far as I see it, there IS only ONE way out of that situation – CUT OUT THE BENEFITS!!! Simple!! How can he say the passion has faded – he isn’t attracted to you – he only sees you as a friend – and there isn’t any relationship – but still expect to have SEX with you? He will never have respect for you in that situation. Fine, if that is what you are prepared to settle for, but you wouldn’t be writing on this forum if that was TRULY how you felt. Find your self-respect. Tell him that, yes, you WILL be friends, if that is what he wants, but there will be NO sex – NOTHING, NADA, ZILCH, ZERO. Not even a kiss. Well – maybe a quick, friendly peck hello on the cheek, if anything at all. Friends are friends and lovers are lovers, and as far as I am concerned, “never the twain shall meet”. It also means that you are then FREE to date other men and start a relationship with them, if you so wish. Maybe after a few weeks or months of this situation he will realize what he is missing and sort himself out. And maybe YOU will realize that he is a “Cad” (and every other sort of a Shxt!!) – and move on to someone who does love you and have respect for you. Best of luck!! Lorna x

  2. Ruth said:

    Thank you so very much. Thank you for your encouraging true words. Recent heart break in my life has triggered feelings from deep past hurts and the feeling of indifference hangs around me and through me as though I’m trapped in its cruel web. I am naturally and optimistic person and forcus on the good in others and in life, but I feel as though I’m being robbed of who I truly am because of independence. I know I need to find me again. I know I have to face my fears, to truly love myself. I want to do what you have said about being passionate about something, but truly passionate about something. I have started Tia Chi and a college course which I enjoy, so I know that is a start, but I know I am worth truly finding myself, truly finding what makes me happy. I know we are all surrounded by countless blessings and I am convinced that as we focus on the good in life, find and do things that we are passionate about, that indifference can be taken out of our lives. I know I can live each day with happiness even through challenges, I just need to wake my soul up again, loving myself by finding my passion and then being able to truly feel love in every way again.
    I am so grateful for all that you do. Thank you for helping me.

    • James Bauer said:

      Ruth, may the kindness you speak into the lives of others return to you one hundred fold.


    • April said:

      Best of luck in becoming the version of you that makes you happiest and try not to dwell. As you climb out of the apathy hole, fill it in behind you with something strong and wonderful (volunteering, hobbies, friends, networking… anything that gives you joy). Once it is filled, you can stop falling into it when you are alone, and start to appreciate your freedom to do what you choose.

      Independence is freeing if you embrace it. You sound like you are on the path to recovery, and soon I hope you will accept nothing less than a partner who sees and appreciates you for the amazing woman you are.

  3. Faith said:

    Hey am in a relationship for 2 years but he is not committing and he show me that he care so much and love me so much, he says he needs me but a time I just feel like he will never commit. How can I walk out without fighting or breaking in a dirty way.

  4. Serene said:

    Hi! I am 39 yo. And I agree about not settling. I can do that- walking away. However, how do i know for sure that there is a guy out there willing to build a lbrilliant life with me? That is the hardest part. Not knowing for certain that it will happen.

    • James Bauer said:

      I understand what you mean. Fear can be depressing. It can steal the joy of living in the present moment.

      So let me just remind you of one thing. A brilliant life attracts a partner who wants to build a brilliant relationship with you. If for no other reason, let that be a reason to banish fear. Create the life you desire by adopting the mentality that says, “I will live a life without regrets. That means going after what I want, even if there’s no guarantee I’ll ever get it.”

      Rooting for you,

  5. Elizabeth said:

    My Boyfriend has Left me. And he says he won’t find any other girl. “Only me” .He wants space. We still hang together he says to “keep the bond going” but I feel no connection. 🙁

    • Lorna (LaLa) said:

      Hi Elizabeth, Just give him a little “space” – he’s probably a bit confused at the moment – especially if he is saying he does not want another woman. And life is very pressured nowadays. You don’t give any other details as to why he may be feeling this way. Try to talk things through with him, that is so important. BUT don’t let him think you are waiting with baited breath for his return. Get on with YOUR life – keep him in it by all means, but let him see that he is not the be all and end all of YOUR life. No need to be callous about that, just open and honest. He can’t have his cake and eat it, too. And definately NO icing or cherries on the top!! Keep your self respect above all else. Best of luck!! Lorna

  6. Jenny said:

    Dear James,
    The sense of indifference you’ve described sounds to me like clinical depression, a fearful condition which is almost impossible to reverse.
    My ex-husband (now sadly deceased) suffered from bouts of clinical depression. Quite different from occasionally feeling glum and fed up. The trouble was that he felt absolutely nothing was worth doing, including seeking help, medical or psychological. He couldn’t be “talked out of it” or “cheered up”, and Lord knows I tried. And yes, it is contagious. It finally ruined our marriage and we parted. Heart-breaking, really.
    I now know it’s best not to become emotionally involved with people (of either sex) who present depressive symptoms.
    Thanks for your wise and helpful posts.

    • Lorna (LaLa) said:

      I’m so sorry to hear of your pain, Jenny. I agree about the depresson thing. I have had bouts of it myself, and am now involved with a guy who suffers badly, but uses drink to mask the symptoms. Personally, I have managed to overcome the terrible bouts of depression by reading dozens of self-help books, but I understand that cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is helpful, which I suppose is pretty much the same thing. Being mindful and present in the moment. I had a twelve week session recently with a counsellor (free on the National Health Service) because of my involvement with my addict, which I found very helpful in understanding what is going on. James is right, though – if one can only find the energy to do something to get involved with which takes you out of yourself and you can become passionate about, preferably involving getting out of the house and meeting other people, that has a huge benefit. But it is not always that easy for some people – to get motivated in the first place. The motivation has to come from oneself. And, of course, TALKING about it is also crucial – but again impossible for some people – and who wants to listen anyway? Friends get fed up with it all. It is truly a terrible affliction. Lorna

      • Jenny said:

        Thank you for your response, Lorna. I’m glad you’ve found the courage to combat these fearful bouts of depression. Alas, my dear David simply couldn’t gear himself up to find help. To him, nothing seemed worth doing.
        I wish you continued health and happiness.

      • Lorna (LaLa) said:

        Thank you, Jenny, and I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I hope you do not carry any guilt about your beloved husband. You gave all the support you could, and at the end of the day, they have to make their own choices – hard as that is for you and other loved ones. He is now at peace in another place.
        I do know how it feels to be hopeless and on the point of suicide, so I know what I am talking about – when you really, really do not think there is anything worth living for. I suffered for years with post natal depression and pre-menstrual syndrome and never told a soul. Then I went through a separation and painful divorce 71/2 years ago, after almost 40 years together, and lost the respect of my two eldest daughters – they are not speaking to me currently – I had no contact over Christmas. But thank God for my beautiful youngest daughter, who has more common sense and empathy than her two older sisters will ever have. For the benefit of others in this situation – walking away is not always the answer, as I am sure you know, Jenny. The only way “up” for people with depression is to have as much support as possible from loving family and friends – even though sometimes giving that love is not easy and is rejected. Of course, every situation is different, and we must not put ourselves or children in danger. As I say, I have now been involved for 3 1/2 years with a man who drinks excessively to cover up his pain, and although I know I should walk away, I cannot – given that I know how it feels to be so hopeless. I read somewhere “We do not heal in isolation – we heal in community”. How very true. It is all about “finding the peace in the eye of the storm”. I just wish there was more understanding and support out there for people who suffer this way. Spreading the word may help – there are some wonderful books available on the internet – and I hope this article will have been of benefit to many people. Thank you, once again, James for posting it and trying to open peoples’ eyes. You provide a wonderful service to the community – and isn’t it amazing that we can now reach the whole world, through the wonders of technology? That has to be progress!! Maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel. Love and peace in 2016 to you all. (N.B. – There is a Full Moon on the 23rd/24th Jan – a love-filled one this time – look it up. Make a wish on it and enjoy it with your loved-ones!! Lorna

  7. Rosie said:

    Shelly you did the best thing the way I see it.
    If he still contacts you, that’s just part of the whole hot / cold thing.
    If it pulls you back towards him, you can either ignore him or ask him not to contact you again. Sure he cares for you; on his terms, not yours. It’s not consistent enough to build the quality it sounds like you want.
    I have done the same thing myself.
    Remember if we keep accepting what we don’t want, there’s not much room for what we do want.

  8. Sofia said:

    If he displays indifference at the beginning of the relationship, walk away. He may have some deep seated problems that has nothing to do with you. Don’t waste your time analyzing other people’s dysfunction. it’s not worth the time. ??

  9. floridagal said:

    Excellent article!

  10. Shelly said:

    What is your advice when the person u have dated is indifferent? I had to walk away from this guy because for one he wasnt making me a priority….didnt court me….forgot about a couple of dates with me….ran hot and cold on me but yet said he cared for me…He still tries to contact me….Very confusing…BUt I know my worth and I don’t want to settle.

    • James Bauer said:

      Don’t settle, Shelly. There is someone out there who will be very happy to build a brilliant life with you. This person will not treat you as an afterthought. Free the seat next to you so that guy can tell you are open and looking for a partner.

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