The Secret “P Word” That Will Make Or Break Your Relationships


Now you might be wondering about that secret “P word”.

It’s “Propinquity”.

Propinquity is a term used by social psychologists to refer to the likelihood of interaction between two people.

If you are very likely to interact with Jake several times each day, you have high propinquity with Jake. You have very low propinquity with a guy who shares none of your interests, does not work with you, and lives on the opposite side of the country.

Why does propinquity matter?

It matters because it determines a lot about the likelihood of you ending up dating any particular person. Social psychologists have discovered that propinquity is a better predictor of who ends up with who than almost any other variable that has been studied.

But can you use this to your advantage?

Knowing which kind of guy you want to end up with gives you a distinct advantage when trying to meet men. The main reason is that you can purposely manipulate your propinquity with the right kind of guy. (Think about how exciting this is!)

propinquityFor example, if you’d love to end up with a fairly wealthy partner, learning golf and eating lunch in a country club is far more likely to increase your propinquity with the right kind of guy. On the opposite side of the spectrum, chatting with men at a local laundromat will tend to build your propinquity with men who are lower on the earning scale.

One of the things I teach my clients is the importance of bending the odds in your favor (instead of just accepting the odds). You can use propinquity to create a tremendous advantage whether it’s an ex-boyfriend or the right “type” of guy you want to meet.

Do you want to find a guy who is physically fit and has good self-discipline? Then let’s sit down and look at your weekly schedule. Are you showing up at the right places and the right times so you can make propinquity work for you?

You’re more likely to meet that kind of guy if you hit the treadmills at the gym at 6:00 AM (because that’s where and when disciplined, fit men show up). Hanging out with your friends at the bar every Thursday night stacks the odds against you.

The point is, propinquity matters. So manipulate it in your favor.

Talk to you soon!

James Bauer

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28 thoughts on “The Secret “P Word” That Will Make Or Break Your Relationships

  1. barbee said:

    makes sense nice word of the day!

  2. Dee said:

    Love it and it makes perfect sense. Great word!

  3. Kimberly said:

    Like my mom use to say, “if you lay down with dogs” you have a greater likely hood of getting up with flea. Itch,itch, lol!

  4. elena obi said:

    Me lykiee!!thumbs up!

  5. irene elizabeth said:

    lovely ineeded

  6. Dian said:

    that is so true I like that.

  7. Kelly said:

    Completely agree with this piece.

  8. Tiff said:

    I totaly agree with you, James..

  9. Rahabu Solomoni said:

    I love it too, but the sound thing does not work i don’t know ether its only in Tanzania or, its until you support the program or what.

  10. Exactly! And I am moving to the other side of town, partly to be with the man to whom I am very attracted (but have only known 6 mos.) but also because all the hobby clubs there encourage interaction. (So even if he is not as sincere as I believe, there will be others). Earnings at our age have no meaning as we will never marry. I have 4 children who will inherit, but just want to share all activities because I’m not happy without a man to love. We can share each others’ homes and activities and families and as long as we are a committed couple, I’m happy.

    • Danielle Joy said:

      Go girl! Your deft a women whose following after her heart 🙌

  11. Chrystal said:

    Makes perfect sense to me! Thanks for the advice

  12. Tamar said:

    Sounds slightly manipulative, but very old fashioned. As if we as women have nothing better to do than husband hunt. I guess only the favorable comments make it to the comment wall.

    • Lorna (LaLa) said:

      Tamar, Not “husband-hunting” is absolutely fine if you are TRULY happy with your single state. I may be wrong, but from your comments, you sound as though you are rather bitter and unhappy? It would seem that most people DO want to have someone special in their life, to share things with, and if manipulating things slightly so that this can happen, surely that cannot be wrong? As long as he/she does not already belong to someone else!! And even then, depending on the circumstances, if someone is not happy in a relationship, and they have tried everything to make it work to no avail, maybe it is better to move on and find happiness with someone else? I just throw that in as food for thought. We are all masters of our own destiny, and taking positive action can make a huge difference to our circumstances. Lorna

  13. Marilyn said:

    This makes a lot of sense. I am presently chatting with a man in New Zealand who plans to visit here in March. This is probably a doomed relationship!

    • James Bauer said:

      Yes, unless the two of you make extremely rapid progress toward decisions that will increase your propinquity, it is an unlikely relationship to thrive.

  14. said:

    I met someone very randomly, where neither one of us reguarly goes. I have not known him long and would like to see him again, but I have to way to run into him. I don’t know him well enough to know where to find him.

  15. patricia said:

    Wow! Quiet interesting, and am able to see things clearly now. Thanks James

  16. Nat said:

    Love this and very glad I signed up to your list – keep the great work coming !

  17. nancy said:

    I still do not know the secret “p” word after reading, what must I do james?

    • James Bauer said:

      😀 Sorry if I was too vague, Nancy. the “p” word is propinquity.

  18. Lana said:

    Thank you James!

    I just want to comment on this article and share my thoughts about it. I am in my early 50s, and I do not go to bars, or other places to meet people. But I do go online, the only site I visited was C.M. and I met a good guy there about 11 months ago. We are dating since then. He makes my heart sings!
    Is any advise how to use “p” word when going to meet people online?


    • Lorna (LaLa) said:

      Lana, Pardon me for asking, but I am wondering why you still need to go online to meet men, if you have already been dating a man for 11 months? Is this relationship not moving on in the way you would like? Interesting!! As far as not going to bars and other places to meet people is concerned, I would say you have more chance of meeting like-minded people if you join up to clubs and activities other than the internet. Bars and pubs here in England nowadays support a lot of activities – live music, quizes, etc., even singles nights and speed-dating. As a single woman you can go along to these, especially if they are local to you. I have found the internet is like looking for a needle in a haystack! I have given up on that avenue. However, as you are younger than me, you will probably have more luck than me, as there should be more choice. Lorna

      • Lana said:

        I am sorry for not being clear. I went online, when I was single and met this wonderful guy. I do not go online any longer since we started dating seriously, please don’t get me wrong. But I do have some friends, who are looking for a person to meet, so I was asking James to help me to realize the best way to use this “p” word for online dating area, if this is possible. Or meeting people online might be not related to propinquity at all. I still don’t know where is the best place to meet your love. What worked for me may not be working for other ladies, and vise versa.

        Have a good day you all,

  19. Basil said:

    yes…..true love starts when there is understanding between both parties….

  20. Rayan said:

    Today lesson for p word I just want to comment you know my history before setting at the right place is important but in my last case with my ex I’m workalcolhic he is even more than me so we click because we are both active ..but I like also to hang out go to restaurants and so on when I’m free on the other hand he love to practice his hobby watching telescope I don’t know at this case how the interaction for entertainment can be satisfactory for both of us

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