As you know, my motivation is focused on the best possible dating outcome for you. I am a firm believer in the idea of win-win scenarios. I was first exposed to the concept by Steven Covey in his book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.”

It’s a great book, but the one thing that stuck with me since I read it in college was this idea that successful people are always looking for situations where everyone wins. Rather than thinking of the world as a pie with only so many slices, Covey encourages people to constantly seek out situations where everyone wins.

Any small change you make in your daily habits can accumulate over time to become a significant positive or negative force in your life. Looking for win-win scenarios does not require much change. You already want the best for other people. You already work hard at various goals at work, school, or in various social contexts. I’m just suggesting a tiny habit change. Just look for one social opportunity for creating a win-win scenario each day.

changing habitsWhen you look for something on a consistent basis, your mind learns to spot whatever it is you are looking for. Your brain changes over time, tuning-in to the things you make a habit of looking for.

What does changing your habits got to do with dating? Well, take a look at this list. Think about the social benefits that would come from looking for win-win opportunities:

  • Your mind becomes increasingly accustomed to spotting opportunities.
  • You feel less anxious when you focus on other people’s welfare (and a little less focused on your own).
  • Your self-esteem goes up when you consistently help other people through win-win scenarios.
  • It becomes easier to reach out to people when your motivation is for their well-being.
  • You tend to meet more people in the process of making suggestions and introductions associated with various win-win ideas that come to your mind.
  • Other people mention you more often in the context of explaining new opportunities and positive situations you suggested.

In other words, your social network tends to grow automatically and gradually over time.

I receive a lot of feedback emails from those of you on my email list. Thanks for that! One of the consistent bits of feedback I get is the request for examples to explain various concepts I bring up in my emails.

If you already have a pretty good grasp of what win-win scenarios are all about, you can stop reading here. For those of you who would like an example, read on.

There are thousands of ways you can bring the concept of win-win scenarios to life. I will just pick two specific applications that relate to the mission we are on together to find you a wonderful guy.

I’ll use an example from my friend, Tina. She was invited to watch her nephew at a kid’s soccer game at an outdoor soccer field. Sitting with a bunch of parents on hard metal bleachers was not the plan she had for her Saturday morning.

But her sister complained that it is boring and lonely to sit there by herself. She wanted Tina to chat with her during the game.

Rather than feeling guilty for saying no, or feeling frustrated that she was sacrificing her social time by saying yes, Tina’s mind went searching for a win-win scenario. Here’s what she came up with.

Tina’s sister had to agree to go clubbing later that night with Tina in exchange for Tina suffering through the soccer game. Her sister had not been out clubbing since her single days, but she loved to dance and just needed a good excuse to be there.

Her husband gave the okay, knowing Tina would be her chaperone, and knowing Tina had made this a special request because she didn’t want to go out clubbing alone.

This is a win-win scenario because both sisters gained more than they lost.

They got to spend time together while simultaneously pursuing their mostly different social agendas. The only reason I know about the story is because it turns out Tina met an eligible guy she struck it off with at the soccer match, not the club!

Here’s another really quick example of a win-win scenario.

A new employee is hired where you work. You take the initiative to walk her around the office and introduce her to a few people (in more of a social way than a work-related way).

This is a win-win scenario because you are building a positive alliance with a new employee who will appreciate the way you went out of your way for her. At the same time, she benefits because of your knowledge of the various people in the office and your ability to direct her to get to know certain people in particular who might share something in common with her.

changing habitsRemember, small habit changes lead to big effects over time. All you need to do is look for at least one tiny win-win scenario each day until you find one and act on it. Soon you will start seeing win-win scenarios everywhere you look.

Talk to you soon!

James

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