Their opinion matters more. Their actions or disregard for our feelings can sting more deeply.
That’s why you can find yourself in a fight that seems to last all day.
The fight rages from the kitchen to the bedroom, to the living room. Hot anger melts away the surface-level niceties and displays of respect you each deserve from each other.
When that happens, I have two suggestions for you to consider.
A number of couples who have gone through this have reported the same thing. A change of scenery helps.
For some reason, moving to a new location can shake you and your partner out of the entrenched battle mode that seems to be going nowhere.
Go sit on a park bench together. Take a walk. Or just sit on the back porch. These changes of scenery can cool you off and change your perspective.
Here’s what often happens. A change in scenery results in a greater effort to be civil. Because you’re sort of starting over.
It helps you to focus on solutions (rather than winning argument points). And it helps you both return to a more decent way of speaking to each other.
Another simple technique involves writing.
Writing forces you to slow down. It helps you contemplate the clearest way to express your true thoughts. As a result, it reduces many of the misunderstandings that can fuel a fight for hours. It prevents the spin-off arguments. Arguments that have nothing to do with the core issue.
Here’s how to make writing work.
You both sit down and write why you and your partner see the issue differently. You don’t try to use it as an opportunity to prove your partner wrong. You simply write your perception of why there is a disagreement in the first place.
This forces you to more carefully consider each other’s perspectives.
Very often, the breakthrough happens while both partners are writing, not after the exchange of what you both wrote. That’s because the writing itself causes you to both slow down, cool off, and focus on what the core issue is.
When you focus on why you see things differently, you both become more empathic to the other person’s way of seeing things. It becomes easier to see how change, compromise, or understanding might heal the rift that has formed between you.
Always on your side,