improving the relationship“Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.”

Arthur Schopenhauer

You don’t have to be a genius to be in a relationship. All you really need to do is try to love the other person and hope they love you back.

But something happens when you spend a lot of time with a person. You begin to see “invisible truths”. It’s the stuff you pick up on when you read between the lines.

Its stuff he never says out loud. You just gradually realize it. You know things about his desires, what makes him tick, what makes him happy, and what irritates him.

I’d like to remind you how important that information is. But first, let me tell you something I learned from a book called Talent Is Overrated, by Geoff Colvin.

He tells the stories of chess masters, golf champions, football stars, and business leaders. He explains a process by which they become extraordinary by focusing on practicing and getting feedback over time.

Colvin argues that most of the amazing experts in the world are just ordinary people who have put in the hours of disciplined practice that allow them to perceive things others cannot.

Take the world champion chess players as an example. They developed the ability to see patterns in the chessboard with just a glance as they walked past it. That’s what allows chess master, Josh Waitzkin to walk around a room while he plays 40 different chess games simultaneously against 40 people for a fundraiser event.

Being able to see patterns is just one of the many ways disciplined practice creates experts over time. Paying attention to feedback and continuously revising your strategy based on that feedback turns you into a freak. You can see patterns emerging that are invisible to other people.

How can you use this information to your advantage in a relationship? You can sidestep a common trap.

Here’s the common pattern. You win a guy’s heart. You keep loving him, but your effort to figure out what he wants declines significantly. At some point, the relationship starts to unravel, and neither of you know how to fix it.

Most likely, neither partner continued the process of learning the evolving needs of their partner. Relationships evolve and grow over time. To participate in the best kind of relationship, you’ll want to see the process of learning your partner’s desires as an ongoing process you get better at over time.

Eventually, you leave all the other interested women behind. You know him so well, you can hit targets they can’t even see.

In Talent Is Overrated, Colvin reports this sad truth. In any profession, people work hard for the first eight months on the job. Then their performance plateaus.

During those first eight months they mentally strive to improve their skill for performing the tasks of their job well. But then they stop trying. They reach a level that feels “good enough” and they quit trying to improve.

This is the case for teachers, engineers, psychologists, auto repair technicians, you name it. The vast majority of people learn just enough to get by. Only a few people break that mold. They break that mold by continuously seeking feedback and opportunities to practice getting better at what they do.

improving the relationshipYou don’t have to use this information. Loving someone is a miracle in itself. It’s something beautiful that doesn’t require expertise.

But if you’re the kind of person who likes to go the extra mile, I challenge you to break the mold. Even once you “arrive” in a good relationship, keep working toward an ever-improving ability to partner with your man in a way that makes you the irresistible choice that no one else can compete with.

Always on your side,

James Bauer

P.S. If you want to join me in studying the process of hitting invisible targets in relationships through pure intuition, click here. I’d like to give you an unfair advantage in relationships. Join me.

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