What He Wants: An Invisible Target

improving the relationship“Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.”

Arthur Schopenhauer

You don’t have to be a genius to be in a relationship. All you really need to do is try to love the other person and hope they love you back.

But something happens when you spend a lot of time with a person. You begin to see “invisible truths”. It’s the stuff you pick up on when you read between the lines.

Its stuff he never says out loud. You just gradually realize it. You know things about his desires, what makes him tick, what makes him happy, and what irritates him.

I’d like to remind you how important that information is. But first, let me tell you something I learned from a book called Talent Is Overrated, by Geoff Colvin.

He tells the stories of chess masters, golf champions, football stars, and business leaders. He explains a process by which they become extraordinary by focusing on practicing and getting feedback over time.

Colvin argues that most of the amazing experts in the world are just ordinary people who have put in the hours of disciplined practice that allow them to perceive things others cannot.

Take the world champion chess players as an example. They developed the ability to see patterns in the chessboard with just a glance as they walked past it. That’s what allows chess master, Josh Waitzkin to walk around a room while he plays 40 different chess games simultaneously against 40 people for a fundraiser event.

Being able to see patterns is just one of the many ways disciplined practice creates experts over time. Paying attention to feedback and continuously revising your strategy based on that feedback turns you into a freak. You can see patterns emerging that are invisible to other people.

How can you use this information to your advantage in a relationship? You can sidestep a common trap.

Here’s the common pattern. You win a guy’s heart. You keep loving him, but your effort to figure out what he wants declines significantly. At some point, the relationship starts to unravel, and neither of you know how to fix it.

Most likely, neither partner continued the process of learning the evolving needs of their partner. Relationships evolve and grow over time. To participate in the best kind of relationship, you’ll want to see the process of learning your partner’s desires as an ongoing process you get better at over time.

Eventually, you leave all the other interested women behind. You know him so well, you can hit targets they can’t even see.

In Talent Is Overrated, Colvin reports this sad truth. In any profession, people work hard for the first eight months on the job. Then their performance plateaus.

During those first eight months they mentally strive to improve their skill for performing the tasks of their job well. But then they stop trying. They reach a level that feels “good enough” and they quit trying to improve.

This is the case for teachers, engineers, psychologists, auto repair technicians, you name it. The vast majority of people learn just enough to get by. Only a few people break that mold. They break that mold by continuously seeking feedback and opportunities to practice getting better at what they do.

improving the relationshipYou don’t have to use this information. Loving someone is a miracle in itself. It’s something beautiful that doesn’t require expertise.

But if you’re the kind of person who likes to go the extra mile, I challenge you to break the mold. Even once you “arrive” in a good relationship, keep working toward an ever-improving ability to partner with your man in a way that makes you the irresistible choice that no one else can compete with.

Always on your side,

James Bauer

P.S. If you want to join me in studying the process of hitting invisible targets in relationships through pure intuition, click here. I’d like to give you an unfair advantage in relationships. Join me.

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16 thoughts on “What He Wants: An Invisible Target

  1. Anita Taco said:

    I am intrigued by your intuition course, I have several other courses of yours and I like your approach. It’s not accompanied by the snake oil feeling I get from most other program authors like this.

    I have to say, my intrigue is from a different place, because I have been honing my intuition since I was a little girl. I truly thought I was psychic as a kid and teen. All I had to do was really focus on if I could see something turning out well or not and I was very rarely, if ever, wrong. I noticed that I would think something, even as simple as, “Oh, I should move that cup before it gets knocked off the table.” After the cup spilling many times, I decided it was better to just go with my intuition, and never know whether it actually would have spilled, than a to ignore it and have a mess to clean. Funny, sure it may not have spilled anyway, but now that I moved it, it DEFINITELY isn’t going to spill. I know that’s simplistic, but that’s literally what showed me I needed to listen and act, not brush it off or ignore my instincts.

    Fast forward to 34, married 12 years, & with laser like precise intuition that I never second guess… I am what science has started calling a Highly Sensitive Person, I have high empathy, my neurological system is constantly on overdrive, constantly scanning my environment for things to be aware of, & if you ask my husband, it’s hell. He would tell me things were fine when I could clearly tell certain things were bugging him. When I would share my feelings and things I just “know” he would tell me I wasn’t in his head, I don’t know how he feels. I’ll admit, I would call him out when I knew damn well he was lying, about how he felt, what he wanted, etc. (Not things like cheating) So I had the idea to ask him during a normal time, not in the midst of a fight, if I really was wrong all those times or if maybe I was a little too right and it makes him feel like he has nowhere to hide, so to speak. Once again, he said I nailed it. It makes him feel vulnerable because he can’t brush me off or placate me with half truths, fibs or lies. I see straight through them.

    I told him, I get it, I really do, believe me. I’d rather not have a keen sense of damn near everything sometimes. It can feel like a burden at times. I just wanted to say it can be a double edged sword, especially if you don’t present it properly and at the right moments. It can make a man feel like he has no retreat from you if you present your intuition at the wrong moments or wrong ways, as I have at times. I’m not sure if you cover any of this in your course, but I could use better intuition on how to use and present my intuition … lol … Now we’re just going down a rabbit hole with that one!
    I did tell him I thought it was a bit messed up that instead of just being honest, he made me doubt myself and my ability to decipher my intuition, a skill he knows I’ve been honing, using and relying on since I was a little girl! Maybe it has been so strong for me because of being Highly Sensitive, which they think is a bit of both nature (genetic) and nurture (life experience). Either way, science has found it’s both real, and not something I can control. It makes me sensitive to so much; sounds, scents, bad vibes, sad situations, news stories, hell, even movies. I watch almost solely cartoons … lol … Seriously, I still can’t get a creepy dude from a Lamb of God music video out of my head that my husband watched over a year ago! No news, no horror, no drama even, my husband goes crazy. I’ve learned to take extra long bathroom “me time” for beautifying, and he’s learned to binge watch while I’m in the bathroom … LOL

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Anita. I’m always fascinated by people like you. Because I teach others how to become more tuned in, but for you it’s automatic…just a part of the way you are already wired from birth.

      I’d love it if you took the Awaken Your Intuition course because it would likely have amplified results for someone like you…simply by giving you more of a direction to focus the instincts you already possess. Thanks for writing in and have a wonderful day!

  2. Anna said:

    James, your program is the BEST for relationships. I have been putting your advice into practice in my marriage, and your amazing insights help me to accept my husband for who he is. I love that you have this unique way of helping women without making us feel horrible about ourselves. You empower us to make life great! Short true story: We had friends over for a week. They had to evacuate from their home because of a wildfire. She took me aside today and told me that their marriage is better now then it has ever been. They had been closely observing me and my husband interact with each other! And they’ve been married much longer then we have been! I was amazed that they learned from us. And I keep recommending your wonderful insights! I love what you do! Thank you James!

    • James Bauer said:

      Anna, thank you for that heartwarming message. It means a lot to me.

  3. PJ said:

    I say be careful of overseas online meetings. There are way too many scammers out there. Whatever you do don’t give any money!!!

  4. sheila said:

    I too met my love online and he lives very far away, although not overseas. He came to visit me within two months of meeting online and we fell completely in love. It has now been six months of a long distance relationship while he went back home and put his house up for sale, sold it and now I am leaving in 5 days to go help him move here with me. So, it IS possible to find the perfect relationship this way. We know that we are the right one for each other and can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together. There are no red flags or doubts whatsoever. I wish you the best and hope this is what you are looking for. Just remember that you will know it when it happens and there will be no doubt in either of your minds!
    And thank you James for the work you do!

  5. Great content! It is all about raising your standard, if you desire a great relationship, you will make efforts to make it happen. It is not just about relationships, it is all aspects of your life, the desire to create a life from good to great will serve the fuel to make it happen.

  6. Louise said:

    Hi James 🙂
    I bought your course yesterday and haven’t been able to put the material down! Thankyou its just a total revelation!! I recently met a guy online who lives overseas and who after a month of getting to know each other over email and the phone, is completely besotted with me to the point he is coming to visit me in person in two weeks! He is also hinting at marriage! Two months before this I split up with my ex of 11 yrs though our relationship had waned years ago. We are amicable due to having two kids together and we still see each other everyday due to taking turns looking after the kids. My new guy has won my heart well and truly yet I can’t help thinking this is all moving too fast! What advice do you have for someone in this situation? Thanks in advance!

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Louise. First of all, thank you for supporting my work by investing in my course!

      To answer your question, yes, it sounds like your vision of thrilling future possibilities may be fueling a level of excitement and fast progression in your relationship. But there’s nothing wrong with that at this stage in a relationship.

      You are moving fast toward getting to know each other. If you were racing toward commitment or quitting jobs to live near each other I would be concerned at this early point in your process of learning about your compatibility. That said, I’m excited for you!

      Have fun when he comes to visit and live life to the fullest (enjoying the present moment) regardless of whether things still seem amazing after spending time together in person.


      • Louise said:

        Thankyou for your reply! It’s so thrilling! I will savour every moment 🙂 x

      • Rhonda said:


        I would like to put in my 2 cents – and I do not want to burst any bubbles…. All I want to say is LISTEN to your gut and beware of red flags. I am so happy for you and I wish you the best! Good Luck ladybug!

      • Laura said:

        Whoa! This exact scenario happened to me about 2 months ago. He came to visit me from US. I live in Europe. I also have 2 kids and have been divorced.It was allperfectwhen he came, we fell totally in love. He said he’d come back soon and he has the chance to work from where ever, having to go back to US only every 3 months. He told me he loved me and that he really sees us as a couple. But when he went back home he has been extremely quiet, even not usually replying my messages. I have let him have his space since I know he has a difficult work situation atm. But still it kind of feels rude even that he told me those things and let me believe all sorts about us. And now it seemes too much of an effort for him to eg chat with me once a week. I’ve asked him if he has changed his mind about us and that I’d appreciate honesty. But then he tells me it’s just work and he thinks I’m amazing.. What on earth should I think about this? Could you help me James?

      • James Bauer said:

        Hi Laura. Some men really have no clue when it comes to balancing work and relationship time demands, but I fear there could be something more going on here. He may be deceiving you in the interest of having a fun affair…but without any consideration for the fact that you might plan your life around his promises.

        Either way, you deserve to learn the truth. You can do that by telling him very clearly (with specific examples) what you need in order to feel secure during your time apart. If you he genuinely cares (and you are clear and specific enough) he will respond by going out of his way to make you feel loved and secure about the relationship. If he doesn’t (or does it half-heartedly) I recommend you refocus your vision for the future on someone else.

      • Laura said:

        Thank you so much James!

        Inhave hard time believing he would be deceitful. But of course that is always a possibility. He has just established his own medical company and is working around the clock 7 days a week. I have Googled him and his firm and all he says is ligitimate.

        I purchased your book recently and I’m going to read it again. I also thought to set up a weekly Skype date or something like that in addition to telling him how I feel about him being so quiet all the time. That way he would know where I’m coming from and also he wouldn’t perhaps feel so guilty regarding me since he’d know I would be satisfied with him showing up at Skype on a set date and time. And most of all I would feel at ease, if I knew I’d get to talk with him like every Friday.

        He has apologized about his behavior several times and has tried to explain how unsustainable he feels his life is at the moment. He was the one initially mentioning he would want to work from here and he’d like to get to know my kids etc. He was also the first to tell me he has huge feelings for me and feels he wants to be with me.

        I appreciate your advice about telling him what I need in order to feel secure about us. I will certainly talk about that with him.

        Thank you for your amazing book!



    • Anonymous said:

      Hi, sounds a lot like something that happened to me, then I thought it was too good to be true…and it was. Make sure you skype or have a video call to make sure he’s REAL before going further. If he is, that’s great and I wish you the best.

  7. Deep Thinker said:

    This post is a massive precious diamond. Its a gift for every part of your life. Thanks.

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