When He Doesn’t Want All the Love You Have to Give

When He Doesn't Want Your LoveThere’s nothing worse than knowing you have a big heart…

A heart that any man would be privileged to cherish…

And yet feeling that men don’t want your love.

If you’ve ever felt like that, let me share with you a story I sometimes tell my clients.

You’re standing in a crowded mall, holding a bunch of the most beautiful long-stemmed red roses.

Your task is to hand out each and every one of these roses to passers-by.

At first, no one will even stop for you. They keep their heads down and walk past quickly, like you’re just another salesperson trying to get something from them.

It feels humiliating to put yourself on display like this, just a woman with a beautiful gift no one wants. You feel vulnerable.

But you’re not leaving until you’ve done the job, so you start to think.

You realize you can get people to stop by making eye contact with them. So you start looking out at the sea of people, searching for friendly faces. If you catch someone’s eye, you wink conspiratorially and hand out a rose with a smile. You give away your first few flowers, and you’re ecstatic.

But soon you notice that the men are still avoiding you. Why? Is it because roses are a symbol of romantic love?

You set your sights on trying to get a man to take one of your flowers. At last you manage to shove one into a man’s hand, but as he walks away he quickly drops it into a trash bin.

That’s no way to treat a gift from your heart!

By the time you’re finished, you feel drained and bruised. Facing that much rejection made you angry. You don’t know why so few people would take your gift, but a little voice inside your head is whispering that the problem was you. Maybe if you looked different, everyone would have wanted your roses.

This little story is a metaphor for how it feels to search for love.

You have a heart full of love, and you keep trying to give that love away.

But no one will take it. Men either assume you’re trying to get something from them, or they value your love so little they drop it in the trash when they think you’re not looking.

It’s not easy finding someone who’ll accept all the love you have to offer. Which is insane, because love is one of the most beautiful gifts anyone can give.

It’s unfortunate we live in a world where there are no free gifts. Everything comes with strings attached. That free sample at the cosmetics counter isn’t proof of the company’s generosity; it’s a taster designed to get you to buy the full-sized product.

So no wonder men look askance at your offer of love. They wonder what you’re “selling.” They don’t realize the value of what you have to offer.

How do you get men to be open to all the love you have to share? Here are 3 ideas. 

  1. Help him see you.

There’s a reason eye contact is so powerful.

Once you’ve met someone’s eyes, you can no longer treat them as just another body in the crowd.

So make it a habit to look into other people’s eyes. Have the courage to read what’s written in there. Have the confidence to believe that a man will connect with you based on what he sees in your eyes … not how he assesses your body.

  1. Notice if a man is open before offering your heart.

Some men are closed off. They’re not good candidates for your love.

Unfortunately, sometimes we set ourselves a challenge. We want one particular individual to accept our gift of love. No other person will do.

Why put yourself through all that pain?

If he doesn’t want to take your gift, don’t force it on him. Let him move on and disappear into the crowd. Look for the men who are open to receiving, because they’re the ones who will honor your gift.

  1. Consider where you’re standing.

If you stand off to the side, hesitant to put yourself out there, people will brush past you without noticing.

You’ve got to be visible. You’ve got to broadcast your intentions. You’re ready to give away some love, and you don’t mind who notices.

When He Doesn't Want Your LoveThe best way to get men to see your generosity of heart is to give away love with a flourish. Hug your friends. Give your gorgeous dog a kiss on the nose. Cuddle children. Wrap an arm around someone you love.

Once he sees you giving away all that good stuff, he’ll be intrigued. Who is this woman who so confidently gives of her heart without expecting anything in return?

He’ll begin to see the depth of your capacity to love others.  

Soon, you won’t care if a particular man doesn’t accept your “rose.” You’ll know your love is a valuable gift, one the right man will be honored to accept.

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6 thoughts on “When He Doesn’t Want All the Love You Have to Give

  1. Denise said:

    I. Gave my heart to a man after not being in a relationship for10 yrs. I did everything for this man and basically stomped all over it after9 months I finally had the courage to leave. He gave nothing he just took took took until I didn’t know myself anymore. I just found out he was cheating on me too. I feel sick.my body aches. I left him Xmas eve of this year. Ladies I’m a very attractive female very kind etc they still leave you. I support him financially at times too! Please check a man’s action not his words. It will save you a lot of pain. This website is helping me in so many ways thank you. D W I. North Carolina

    • Tasha said:

      I have the same situay here

  2. Lorna (LaLa) said:

    James, such a beautiful, beautiful analogy – and one I will try to put into practice – after having “wasted” 5 years on a man who appears to be so psychologically damaged he is incapable of opening his own heart to love. So very sad, as we could have been so happy together. However, nothing in life is ever wasted, and there were some good times to look back on. Thank you, once again for all your pearls of wisdom – they have given me a huge insight into the male mind, and helped me cope with my own misunderstandings and the mental distress caused by him. I have learned such a lot I never knew through reading your articles. Many thanks. Lorna

    • James Bauer said:

      You are very welcome, Lorna. And I also appreciate the many positive, inspiring, and helpful comments you make on this blog.

      • Lorna (LaLa) said:

        Thanks, James.
        A Merry Christmas and a Happy, Peaceful, Joy-filled New Year in 2018 to you, all your staff and readers. With love, Lorna x

      • Ginger said:

        I have just begun reading your articles. My husband of 30 years just left me 7 weeks ago. I honestly don’t believe he understands growing love. When there’s a bump in the road he tries to run. This is the third time. But he actually left this time. None of it makes any good sense. He started having health issues. And maybe some mid life issues. It’s very sad. I’m confused how to feel. I have my moments. But I am tired of the ability he has to keep one foot out the door. His mom had huge issues in her 2 marriages. With her infidelity.

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