Facebook Encourages Cheating?

does facebook lead to cheatingApparently, Twitter and Facebook use can be hazardous to the health of your relationship.

It wasn’t that long ago that a study published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking announced Facebook increases the risk of cheating. According to the article, the temptation lies in reconnecting with an ex, which is ridiculously easy to do on Facebook.

Now we’re being told that online Twitter spats often spill over to the real world, leaving romantic partners at each others’ throats offline. This, courtesy of a study done by the University of Missouri.

Now, before you decide the folks at U of M are getting a little tech-paranoid, think about the logic behind these findings. Facebook and Twitter are all about connecting people, right? You’ve undoubtedly caught up with someone you haven’t seen in years via one of these social networks. They keep us all plugged in.

But, there’s a downside, too. People tend to be meaner online.does facebook lead to cheating

I’m hardly the first person to make this observation. The prevailing opinion is that the distance we feel sitting safely behind our keyboards allows us to be more candid and less tactful than we would be face-to-face.

If you tear into someone online and then see them a few hours later, things are going to be…awkward. Given the strong possibility that you came across more aggressively online than you would have in person, it’s easy to see how this dynamic can lead to some problems.

Oh, and don’t forget about the whole wandering eye issue. You hit a rough patch with your current partner. Later that day, you discover a new picture of an ex on your timeline. Geez, he/she looks a little more attractive than you remembered. Suddenly, you’re all googly-eyed for the person you used to be with. And, hey! Look at that! The “message” button is right there!

Now, you’re acting like a college kid wearing beer googles. You’ve totally forgotten about why you broke up with the soul-destroyer. And, you may be a little hazy about the fact that you’re with someone else now.

Here’s the moral of the story. Try to keep romantic conflict in the real world. Don’t turn to social networking when you’re in the middle of a fight at all. Keep that stuff offline.

Always on your side,


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15 thoughts on “Facebook Encourages Cheating?

  1. Joyce said:

    I cringe when I read people airing their relationship issues online. How does one expect to openly bash their partner to friends, family and the social media world then work things out.
    I have found that those who share the intricacies of their relationship issues are reminded of them by those they shared with while trying to patch things up. It seems that friends, family, co-workers don’t as quickly forget what an ass he is.
    I make it a habit to not share my relationship problems outside of the relationship. Sharing with him is the only way to reach positive resolve. Bashing him only creates negative mojo and likely an end to the relationship.

  2. Lou Ann said:

    Thanks for the encouraging post. I don’t understand why people can’t just choose to either be content in their marriage and work to improve it or exercise self control until their divorce is final. Aren’t we people not dogs? No wonder there is so much misery,heartache, anxiety and depression in society! The one who commits adultery lacks sense; whoever does so destroys himself .Proverbs 6:32

  3. Soly said:

    This is what ruined my relationship with my husband . His “curiosity ” about his ex’s and them messaging back and forth . I am not okay with this and have recently filed for divorce we have a son and have been together 4 years, it’s very hard and I’ve tried staying together for our son but he has done it over and over and I can’t stand the heartache and how it’s affecting me . he hasn’t forgot about his past and I can’t be with someone who is undecided this far in a marriage. It breaks my heart but I can’t forgive him or trust him anymore .

    • James Bauer said:

      I’m very sad to hear that.

  4. nekky said:

    Thanks James. This is so true because it’s happening to me now. Me and my husband are having a rough edge of our marriage right now and I found my ex online. He’s married too and presently the communication is getting too serious. But thankfully he’s far away from me so it would be hard for us to go beyond chats.

  5. S said:

    Maybe if everyone kept their relationships OFFLINE including MEETING ONLINE LOSERS, then they wouldn’ t run into the public display of bashing/ tell-all-everything every minuet of the day to tbe world….

    • Svetlana. said:

      Dear S,
      People can meet online and date, there is nothing wrong with that. Meeting offline can be challenging for some folks too. Not everyone can find the way to meet a single person by going to bars, restaurants or gym and sport clubs etc. There are many other ways to meet people, you just have to be careful and not trust everything they say, even if you met someone through your friends. When time goes by you can figure out, if this person worth it to continue dating/knowing each other or not.

      • Robin Glover said:

        I can totally vouch for the info about fights turning ugly, in my case in texts. I wrote horrible, ugly, insulting things that I never would’ve said to his face. Granted, they were all written in direct response to mean spirited, hateful things said by a man who had personal issues and I’m glad I’m no longer in that relationship. I’m seeing a very nice gentleman now and we have a no texting beyond, I’m on my way! rule.

      • Robin Glover said:

        I’m one of those people who couldn’t meet anyone after not seeing anyone for 10 years after a 17 year marriage. Yes, I met a few losers. But I persevered and now, at 63 years old I’m seeing a terrific guy that I otherwise never would’ve met. So it’s never too late, if you just work the program. But we do have a no texting rule.

  6. b said:

    very interesting,,,i can read that book loud n clear ,,pretty much all of it ,,no woories here , seems I jest never get around and be a member ,I write a few sentences , like looking at profiles n such , then leave it there ..love them interesting messages u get !!!!!!!!!

  7. k2002 said:

    Good, Melissa. Nice that things work out. James, I agree with your article. I can just imagine how many affairs start on Facebook, for true and Twitter. You see, these social networking sites ARE about reconnecting, so you find an old flame/ex boyfriend/ or a good friend or classmate who you have lost touch with for years. You hit it off right away and continued where you had left off, catching up on old times. By the time u find each other of course, ONE OR BOTH OF YOU ARE MARRIED OR ATTACHED. If you don’t keep yourselves from crossing that line, you might end up in an affair before you realize it. As Melissa said, it doesn’t have to be an ex. If the person is single, more power to you. There is no one in the way. It wouldn’t be an affair now, of course. A friend of mine reconnected with an old boyfriend from she attended high school, that way. They found each other on Facebook, reconnected, started a relationship and are married now.

  8. Melissa said:

    Its not always an ex…I have been seeing a guy I have known since elementary school and it started on Facebook. He was married but it was an unhappy marriage for years, neither wore their rings anymore or even slept in the same room. We started talking on FB as the friends we were and it just escalated. He filed for divorce a couple months later and it is now final and we are still seeing each other.

    • Robin Glover said:

      If he does it with you, he’ll do it to you. Not sleeping together? Wake up! That’s the oldest line in the book! Once a cheater, always a cheater.

  9. Odette said:

    I agree with everything you’ve said… I think we are all haunted by our ex’s at some time or another when things with the current partner hit a rough patch.

    Its a bit of “grass is always greener” syndrome…. and I think what you say about remembering why you broke up….. is very very wise. I am haunted by the wonderful memories of an ex that simply wont leave my new relationship alone….. I remind myself everyday why the old relationship would never work if I went back….. but it is so hard not to think of all those wonderful “selective” memories with the ex when things get tough in the new relationship.

    I think the best move is to work through the issues with the current partner…. give yourself plenty of time….. and change something that only you can change to bring more happiness into your life. Do something for yourself rather than expect that the happiness will come from another person.

    Great advice…. but its hard!

  10. pearl said:

    Thank you for all your e-mails

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