Lets talk about guys and emotions.
Here are some insights you may find useful on this topic. Men have just as many emotions as women. Hard to believe right =)
So why don’t they open up about their emotions? Why does everything have to be about the logic of the situation? Why does he focus on accomplishing things at the expense of his relationships?
These are among the most infuriating issues women face as they try to bridge the cultural gap to create a loving and emotionally deep relationship with a man.
There are several factors that cause men to be less emotionally expressive.
Surprisingly, one of the most important factors is simply a lack of practice. For some men, there is actually a deficit in the vocabulary needed for expressing complicated emotions like mixed feelings about a relationship.
At the extreme, this difficulty with communicating about feelings is called “Alexithymia.” That term refers to the lack of appropriate knowledge of the right words to use to express the subtle shades of emotion felt within.
It’s more common for a man to have a mild version of this problem. It’s more likely he will feel something and not be exactly sure what it is he’s feeling, rather than lacking the knowledge of the emotional words themselves.
Are you dating a man like this? One of the easiest ways to tell is to pay attention to what he doesn’t say.
If he is showing interest in you and obviously trying hard to express his true feelings about an issue, only to pull away and become quiet in frustration, he may be pulling away or changing the subject due to exasperation with his inability to identify the right words to express the mixed feelings he has inside.
How did this happen? Well, the truth is, he grew up in a different culture than you did. Men don’t grow up sitting in circles on the playground sharing their feelings. They grow up spending their time trying to accomplish things in larger groups of boys with a focus on external goals that you can see in the physical world.
In addition to that, boys are often discouraged from expressing some of their emotions. It’s not just fathers either. Mothers often do or say things that subtly send the message to a boy that crying does not suit him well.
In addition to all this, men have a great fear of appearing weak. Expressing emotions like joy, elation, or excitement about a job promotion will be easy for your man. Admitting that he’s feeling insecure at work will be far more difficult for him.
You’re more likely to see an irritated version of your boyfriend than a true expression of the mix of fear and sadness driving his irritable mood.
At Beirresistible we teach a specific method for bypassing a man’s difficulty with opening up to his dating partner.
There are ways of working with a man’s need for pride and respect that will allow him to lean on you in an emotionally vulnerable way. When he learns to do this, you will be a part of a new world of deep intimacy that he has likely never shared with anyone in his adult life.
Once a man begins to feel comfortable talking about his emotions, he will need time to fully develop his ability to express things of a subtle emotional nature. Give him that time. It will be well worth your while.
Have a great day!