How can you have “the talk” about where the relationship is going without creating a negative experience?
First of all, you should. You absolutely should talk about where the relationship is going.
People often joke that men always bolt when women try to have a talk about commitment. However, this isn’t true. The truth is that most men who are emotionally mature enough to be worth your time will be glad to share expectations and hopes about the relationship.
You will get a quality guy when you help men to self-select (or unselect themselves). You can do this by courageously pursuing interactions that work well with quality men.
In other words, if you demand quality from a guy, he will either rise to the challenge (what quality men do) or act like you are demanding something unreasonable (what emotionally immature men do). Keep this in mind before discussing the relationship.
Yes, you will likely end up sifting through more potential partners this way, but in the end you will have wasted far less time (because you avoid long relationships that are going nowhere).
For now, allow me to offer you two pieces of advice that can be quite useful if you’re going to attempt “the talk” with a guy you’ve been seeing.
1. Approach the discussion while in a positive mood state before discussing the relationship. Talk about what you do want rather than what you don’t want.
2. Don’t expect him to be on the same page with you when discussing the relationship. Don’t let yourself get caught off guard by this. The simple fact is, men have a different timeline in their mind when it comes to relationships and commitment. At the point when you are thinking some sort of unspoken relationship has formed, he would be surprised to learn you already think of your interactions as “a relationship.”
Negativity and mismatched mental timelines for relationships often combine in a problematic way. The difference between your assumptions about the stage of the relationship and his assumptions about the relationship can create arguments (negativity). This creates a negative experience for men.
They walk away from the relationship because it creates a negative emotional experience. Men end up feeling blamed or disrespected for reasons they don’t understand. This can sometimes destroy a relationship before it even had a chance to get going.
So if you’re ready to talk about where things are going, let all expectations go and approach the discussion as nothing more than a short, considerate explanation of a few things you are hoping to find in a good relationship.
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