The #1 Method For Building Emotional Intimacy With A Man

building emotional intimacyMen put up a tough exterior, but inside they crave affirmation of their manliness.

They crave respect.

Men feel so strongly about respect and disrespect that the absence of it can end a relationship.

Why have you never heard of this before?

It’s because of several reasons, but one reason is that the desire for respect is so deep that many men don’t even realize other people (women) don’t sense it.

You know how men can be so emotionally insensitive and act as if logic is the only thing that matters in an argument? It sometimes seems like men are emotional idiots.

Well it feels kind of like that for men when it comes to the respect issue. Although…it’s not quite like that because men just clam up and pull away instead of verbally expressing their exasperation.

building emotional intimacyMost men don’t realize you have to point out ways a woman has subtly shown disrespect. They just get angry and close down or pull away.

He assumes you did it because you don’t respect him. Your man will feel unloved by you when he doesn’t feel respected.

The respect issue is so powerful, I want to urge you to spend some time training your mind for greater awareness of the way it affects men.

This is my invitation to you. Use the training material I’ve put together for you on this topic. You can get a copy of my guide on this life-changing concept here.

Watch for my next post on the topic of affirmations and self-esteem. Do affirmations work? We’ll dive into that issue next.

James Bauer


What Men Secretly Want

After consuming this short-guide, you will possess a secret that men cannot express well because it is so foundational to their view of the world that they don't even realize it is there.

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52 thoughts on “The #1 Method For Building Emotional Intimacy With A Man

  1. Lucy said:

    I ended up having an emotional romance with someone by accident – we got together as friends – but nothing physical happened, though we both wanted it, because we were both in relationships. He went off to the military, and kind of absorbed himself in his gf. And at a really hard time in my life, after not hearing from him, he contacted me. It had been a while and I was irritated and told him off. A few months later I thought about it and contacted him via Facebook (realizing he’d contacted me when he broke up with his gf). He was friendly, but we really don’t talk at all, and he’s openly making plans with another girl. I want him to be happy, but I also want to be fair to myself and deal with this in the best way I can, but it tears me up seeing him talking to someone else. There are a lot of things we didn’t say, and it’s kind of uncomfortable. I’d just unfriend him, but I’d rather say something before I did, and I’m not sure that bailing is really the right thing anyhow. I just want to deal with this in the right way. And I also still have my boyfriend. I know it’s not fair, and I’d never cheat, but I’m really struggling with this and feel like I’m going to explode all the time.

  2. Cute said:

    Hi James, kindly help…..am already planning to pay for the full course coz i desperately need it…just waiting to get the cash. But most urgently I need help. I am married for close to four years but i have frequently bumped on my childhood crush who proposed twice before i got married but for various reason i never gave him a chance. I deeply love him and every time we meet i go crazy and start texting all that is in my heart for him but he is really cold on me. i once deleted his number and kept out of touch until we bumped on each other again last december. since that day i have chatted him daily but he just gives me one word replies and says that i should remember we both have families now. I married my husband coz while we’re dating he got a major physical chalenge and had to support him but not coz i deeply loved him. I know this other guy was and is the love of my life though we never dated but he clearly told me that his plan was to marry me but i still went ahead and married someone else. His career made our communication difficult but whenever he was back we could meet . He got two sons with his ex. The problem is i can’t stop thinking about him and i can’t stop loving him now. kindly advise

    • James Bauer said:

      I understand why you feel regret. I understand why you wish you could go back in time and make a different set of choices.

      But there’s a powerful truth I want to remind you of. The only decisions that matter now are the ones you make in the present moment.

      Sometimes, our judgment is clouded as we imagine “what if” scenarios from times distant past. We must let go of the past so we can live fully in the now. Your life energy is tied up in a relationship that is no longer viable because of the decisions you both made to invest in other people.

      Continuing to chase after that relationship will only bring heartache. It will sap your life energy.

      It may help if you go through my minicourse on what to do when your heart loves a person who just isn’t right for you.

      In this case, it seems there are two reasons he’s not right for you. The first is that he has sealed off his heart to prevent himself from being hurt by you again. The second is that you have both made commitments to other people. Do not undervalue those commitments. There may yet be something beautiful to discover there.

  3. romina said:

    Amo a un hombre …pero creo..que de la manera incorrecta he sido irrespetuosa tal vez, es la manera que aprendí …para defenderme de los hombres que dañaron mi vida… quizás… deba rendirme ya que el es un hombre importante y de otra cultura..en mi país..Sudamérica..nos enseñan que la mujer es la que manda..y toma decisiones …en lo personal entiendo que esto es totalmente disfuncional..que lleva a una tasa de divorcios muy alta, en país …y los hombres no les importa perder su autoridad como leales compañeros… dañando mucho los sentimientos de una mujer..

  4. Arin said:

    Please help. My boyfriend of 10 years broke up with me about a month ago, after we had been fighting off and on for awhile. At first he said he didn’t love me and he was “done”, then the next day he said he really did love me but he was still “done” with the relationship and he was “broken” from fighting and confused. We have met a few times to discuss trivial things involving the split, but rarely about his feelings or reasons and then only short one word answers. He was texting and calling me frequently, but now he will go 3-6 days with nothing, he is acting very cold and distant, and reverting to the same party behavior he had before we met 10 years ago. I lam destroyed inside, I’ve lost the love of my life. What can I do to get him to see that I love and value him, and for him to come back? Please help

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Arin. What is the one activity the two of you both enjoyed most as a couple? Any chance that he might accept an invitation to join you in that activity? Frame the invitation to include a sort of “requirement” that both of you agree not to discuss the relationship problems but rather just have fun together. If he’s in “party mode” this might sound good to him. It’s not a fix, but it’s a start.

      James

    • Lucy said:

      I just have to say something I wish someone would’ve said to me, and that’s that you don’t know who “the love of your life” is until you’re on your deathbed. There is ALWAYS another person! I wasted so much time with the wrong guy, and pining over him thinking there would never be another, because I didn’t know that.
      Sure, work on this relationship as long as you feel it has a chance, but if it doesn’t, DON’T let that happen to you!

  5. Cindy Lumm said:

    Please, please ,please help me. I am in need of your help to save my marriage. I am a housewife of 19yrs and I am crazy in love with my husband but I don’t even arouse him any more. I don’t have the money to pay you for your “secret signals” so I guess that this is it for us. I would love to pay for your help hell I would pay any amount to save my marriage anything. He is literally my whole world. Desperately seeking solutions please

    Cindy L.

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Cindy. You mentioned a lack of physical arousal, but is his heart still in the marriage despite his waning libido?

      Some men experience a dramatic decline in libido as testosterone drops in middle age. Believe it or not, sexual desire has more to do with his own internal chemistry than it does with a person’s partner. Though one exception is porn, where the exposure to material can erode arousal in real life sexual encounters due to the brain’s natural habituation. Is he seeking sexual stimulation outside your relationship (e.g., other people or porn)?

      James

  6. Cathy said:

    Hi James, I was married for 28 years. We just seperated due to several reasons but the most important reason is that I didn’t give him the respect that he deserved over the years. I didn’t make him the most important person in my life. Now that I am aware of this I would like desperately to work on this to get him back. He told me that he doesn’t love me anymore. I wish that he would give me one more chance. But in my heart I know that it’s too late.

    • James Bauer said:

      Do you believe him? Or is there something that tells you he has not completely shut you out of his heart?

      • Cathy said:

        Hi James, He told me flat out that he doesn’t feel that way about me anymore although he hasn’t completely left me helping me with the bills and things around the house that needs doing. I know that he has feelings for me but not the same intense love that he used to have for me. I am trying to show him that my eyes are open and that I am willing to work on this marriage by putting him first and being in the present with him. I am trying not to be clingy or over the top but acting like myself but more aware of what I say and how I act towards him to show him respect and appreciation.
        Cathy

      • James Bauer said:

        It sounds like you are doing the right things now, Cathy. Now time is your ally. The longer he has to heal (while still having you in his life) the better. Time will be needed for him to realize it’s okay to trust his heart to you.

  7. Caroline said:

    Hi James I find your information really interesting and helpful. I;ve been experiencing emotional trauma recently due to my husband of 22 years showing a high interest in a younger female work colleague to the point where he was sending her naughty texts and sharing lunch dates with her. They flirt with each other and even though she’s in a relationship herself it doesn’t seem to stop her flirting with other men. He’s assured me there is nothing in it only that he gets on well with this girl and he likes the attention. I think its because he will be 50 soon and he is seeking to feel desirable to younger women. Would you recommend the Bonding Code as a way of working on things with my man? I love him very much and don’t want to lose him. Feeling vulnerable and scared. Thanking you for any advice.

    • James Bauer said:

      Caroline, I recommend you seek private consultation on this question (and maybe also consider a few sessions with a marriage counselor). Some boundaries need to be set to protect your marriage. Click here to ask one of our relationship coaches about your situation.

  8. Joan said:

    I have being seeing this guy for three years now this January
    We have taken many vacation together , evert time we go time somewhere special ! He would say my ex love this he even call me by her name ! I can’t get him to stop . Then he too a vacation with her without telling me first . I found out the day of the trip ! He said its nothing but to me I think there is something there ! When ever I talk to him about he get offensive . They have no children or I would say the kids comes first
    Am thinking of ending it for this woman don’t want us to be happy
    Please help

    • Lucy said:

      It sounds horrible that he didn’t tell you ahead of time he was taking a vacation with her. Wow! That’s a big deal anyhow, but he should’ve told you. I don’t care if he comes up with something like, “but if I told you you would’ve been mad, like you are now.” I find it very disrespectful! You should be the one who’s feelings he’s trying to preserve, not avoid. You should be the one he goes out of his way to tell you things, and to spend time with. Friends is one thing, but going on a vacation is an odd thing to do.
      I’ve taken a few vacations with other men when I was in a relationship, but I told my bf ahead of time. Not only that, but there were genuine reasons I went on those vacations with those other guys, it was because they were work related – helping to generate more work for both of is, events and things. And I was completely faithful, and my bf trusted me. Your situation is much different!
      And your bf’s also being insensitive by getting offensive when you bring it up. I would have a hard time being with this man again if I were you.

  9. Donna said:

    I respected my ex. Even allowed him to use me after we broke up. ( nothing like your thinking). I respect myself to much to be friends with benefits. But even after he cheated on me I tried to show him respect and compassion. Knowing that I allowed him to get away with hurting me only made him disrespect me even more. Now he doesn’t even acknowledge the child we had together. I’m in therapy for the mental and emotional abuse. He always made everything my fault and blamed me for everything.

    • Lucy said:

      Oh, Donna, I feel for you! I think there is a line where standing up for your principles and respect for another shouldn’t cross. It’s hard to recognize it, AND act on it, but you must respect yourself and stick to what that means to you by not allowing another to go against what that is for you. Once you define that for yourself and begin acting on it, even if you need to take baby steps in the beginning, do so. Just keep working towards better, telling yourself you ARE getting better, and that you’re enough. You deserve to be respected and loved, and are fully capable of receiving it! You are enough, and it’s OK if someone rejects you.
      It’ helped me to learn I’m responsible for my own feelings, my own happiness. Nobody else can give that to me or take it away once I learned that. And it gave me great power in my life and relationships, and power in a good way. I don’t mean power over others, just power in making my life better and handling difficult situations better.
      You are enough! It’s OK if someone rejects you. And you are in charge of your own happiness. If something happens to change the last one, ask yourself what you can do to change that, make it better now, and what you could’ve done to prevent that, or amend it.
      I wish you the best!

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