Every relationship improves when you add “The Awesome Equation”

how to maintain positive energyToday I want to inspire you to do something simple. It’s simple because it’s what you already do best.

But before I get to that I want to talk about the energy you bring to your relationship interactions. I’d like to challenge you to take responsibility for the energy you bring.

The term “responsible” is kind of heavy and not very fun. So maybe I’m not bringing the right energy to my writing today. Let me try again…

I’d like to challenge you to do more of what makes you awesome!

Relationships are wonderful things, yet they always have problems of one sort or another. Sometimes you can solve those problems quickly and easily, sometimes not. Either way, problems deserve some attention to see if they can be solved.

But… (and this is a big but)… You don’t want problem-solving to rob your relationship of the fun and joy it could otherwise have.

You see, in long-term relationships this is one of the big killers of passion and desire. Two people are drawn together by fun, attraction, and compatibility.

Then a few problems arise. As a result, one or both partners enter problem-solving mode. And that would be fine so long as you remember to exit the problem-solving mode when you’re not actively working on problems.

Why do you need to exit problem-solving mode?

Because it gets in the way of doing that simple thing I mentioned earlier. It gets in the way of doing what makes you awesome. And doing the things that make you awesome is what allows you to bring your best energy to relationship interactions.

Think about it. When a relationship problem has been frustrating you, do you still do all the things that make you wonderful to be around? Or do you shut down some of that positive energy?

If you’re like most people, you kind of hold back on positive energy when he’s not meeting all your needs. It’s kind of like a subconscious drive to punish him for not doing things right.

There’s a time and place for that, but consider the consequence of doing it all the time. The things that attracted him to you get suppressed. Many relationships end when neither partner can remember the last time they enjoyed each other’s company, and then conflict is piled on top of that equation.

how to maintain positive energySo just remember the awesome equation. Every relationship improves when you add more of what makes you awesome. Balance problem-solving with a strong dose of positive energy. Doing so reflects faith that the relationship will endure and is worth enjoying even before you get every last problem squared away.

Always on your side,

James


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15 thoughts on “Every relationship improves when you add “The Awesome Equation”

  1. barbara barnes said:

    Thank you I needed to hear this I really didn’t know what to do

  2. Cathy said:

    Extremely good advice! Thank you. Needed to hear this.

  3. Amanda Peterson said:

    This is the first time I’ve commented on a post…I think. This was a great reminder to get back to basics! Before I read this blog, I had just left my boyfriend’s house so he could go to bed (he has a 7:30-4pm job. I’m a realtor so I stay up a ton later), and a little “talk” about if our relationship is heading towards marriage. It seems he’s not quite “ready.” Wants to buy a house (I
    already have one), and be financially stable(he just started this job only 6 months ago and I just became a realtor in the last year or so and its been rough building up a clientele). I told him calmly and kindly, that I know he needs a lot of pushing, guiding and encouragenent with ANY transitions in his life…but my engagement is something I know I shouldn’t have to encourage a man to do. That I was going to be a little selfish with this one thing and hold out for how I think it should be. That it can be anything, as long as it’s NOT because it makes financial sense, it’s the next logical step, he “might as well,” ….blah blah blah. And that I don’t want to be “that girl” that nags him, makes obvious hints, tries to convince him…..then told him that’s all I was going to say about it! I’ve made a line in the sand that by summer, if we aren’t even on the track to move forward, after 2 1/2 years, we should know if marraige is the right thing. Esp being in our mid 30’s! And if its still up on the air,….well, that’s just as much of a “No, you’re not the one,” in my book as actually saying it. I feel good getting all that out. And now tying this into the blog……that’s really all I AM going to do or say! Now back to being the awesomeness that he fell in love with

    • Lorna (LaLa) said:

      Oh, I know – it is so difficult isn’t it? If you are a “doer” (the Little Red Hen) like me, you want to solve the problems, but can come on too strong, then they get scared and get cold feet, that sets you worrying – round and around it goes. James is right with this one. Do not forget to have some fun – but it is not easy when you are worried sick about one problem or another. Maybe we need to have lots of little boxes for the problems and a special big one for the happiness – deal with that particular problematical issue, put it into its box and shut that lid – then open the lid on the “happiness” box – until the next time. Easily said, but hard to remember in the event. It must be so hard when your “clock” is ticking. But it gets no easier for us olduns. I am 66 and he is 62, both divorced (him twice) and I think we are both terrified of making a mistake again. Why can’t we just be HAPPY? I wish you all the very best for the future – but don’t be too hasty in making your decision – again easier said than done. Lorna (LaLa)

  4. Saule said:

    Dear James,
    I am writing to say how much I enjoy waking up to the generous amounts of positive energy I receive from you. Your writings are the first ones I read in the morning. Each time I am gently reminded what are the most important and valuable things in life. The energy shifts and I enjoy the amazing day. Thank you for the amazing day every day.
    All the best,
    Saule

    • James Bauer said:

      Thanks for the encouragement! 🙂

      James

    • Lorna (LaLa) said:

      Oh, I absolutely agree!! James’ articles are so insightful and give one food for thought – every time – and the replies are often just as good – it is wonderful to have that support system there for each other. Thank you, once again, from me, too, James. Over the months you have helped me so much to get my head around a lot of issues. Lorna (LaLa)

  5. James Bauer said:

    Thanks for sharing the happy news, Marsha!

  6. Shieleen said:

    Broken hearted … just trying to get a grip on my life going forward …

    • Marta said:

      Best thing you can do for that broken heart is focus on you and how YOU make yourself happy. It’s also very hard, but in the end, it will open your heart for the right guy. He’ll see your smile and confidence and look past everything else to see the real you. So, smile! It’ll all work out.

  7. Lorna (LaLa) said:

    Lucky you – keep it going!! Lorna (LaLa)

  8. Sara said:

    This is what I never learned in my marriage and now with my boyfriend it’s the same- if we are having some problem or I feel unsatisfeid and unhappy about him, I just can’t enjoy time with him as I should, there is always some shadow present which is covering my happy and positive energy, making me think- well, it’s just not as it should be with us, so why should I pretend I’m cheerful. And when he drive back home I feel sorry that I didn’t make more effort to have a great time with him.

    • James Bauer said:

      Yeah, that’s exactly it, Sara. Leave yourself a weekly reminder that will prepare you to practice a new mindset.

      James

  9. Lee said:

    If I can capture his attention and get enough together time, I can easily be the awesome woman I was in the beginning. However, sometimes thats difficult to do when my man is in his “business focus” mode. I keep trying because when it does happen, its definitely worth it!

  10. Holly Proctor said:

    Well I guess I know how I screwed up! When you’re told you’re not wanted in the relationship, it’s very difficult doing as you’ve suggested. When you quit trying the marriage falls apart. If there is a next time, I will remember your advice!

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