Force a Man To Like You More with this One Graceful Response

how to take a complimentDo you feel awkward when someone pays you a genuine complement?

Do you experience a sudden increase in self-consciousness?

Do you stammer or say nothing while averting your gaze?

Do you hit the person that complimented you and accuse him of lying (in a childish attempt to appear humble)?

Do you tell him to “shut up” or “save it” as if he is secretly poking fun at you instead of actually expressing admiration?

If you regularly engage in any of these types of responses, I have some highly sophisticated advice for you: STOP IT!!!

If you have already developed the social grace needed to receive a compliment well, please excuse me while I reach out a hand to those who never had the benefit of a good teacher in this particularly rare social skill.

To receive a compliment well, you need only do three things:

1. Maintain eye contact with the person that complimented you

2. Thank them

3. Show pleasure rather than pain on your face

These are rather simple steps, but few people respond this way instinctively. Do you know why you should look at the person who complimented you? It’s because looking at them is the simplest way of acknowledging them. It takes courage to complement someone. If you don’t acknowledge them and thank them, they will feel uncertain about what just happened.

Here’s an interesting fact. We like people who like us. Many sophisticated research studies have been conducted to test this theory, and they all point to one fact. If we believe someone likes us, we naturally like them back.

how to take a complimentThis is another reason why it’s important to show pleasure on your face when someone compliments you. Don’t act as if they are putting you on the spot and making you feel awkward. Instead, act as if they just made your day.

No one will think you are being haughty or stuck up when you smile and thank someone for offering a compliment. And that’s true even if the complement is an exaggeration. Just accept it and let them feel good about having done something nice for you.

Developing this skill is important. Men who are emotionally mature will be looking for a woman who is emotionally mature. Being able to receive a compliment well is a foundational skill for demonstrating emotional maturity and class.

Have a great day!


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33 thoughts on “Force a Man To Like You More with this One Graceful Response

  1. R.Wilis said:

    Love these advice…thank you James

  2. Trisha said:

    And speaking of emotional maturity and class ……….. a lady should always remain a lady : )

  3. R. Wilis said:

    Hello James,
    I have been practicing the art as advise in these article and it does feel good. I have meet someone special that lives near me and we are still getting to know each other. We are able to communicate as we are comfortable with and what i really appreciate is that when i told him i am declining any interest from other men because i wanted to get to know him better, he did the same thing and cancelled his account with an online dating site. That is so sweet of him. Who knows finally, he may be the one for me. Wish me luck and lot of it πŸ˜€

    • Fatima said:

      that is so sweet, i wish you luck.

  4. Rachel said:

    Thank you for this one. Learning to accept compliments also helps develop self worth. Ask yourself how you feel when you give a compliment and it is rejected? I love seeing the beautiful grace of how people accept a compliment, I find it to be a mutually positive experience while those who reject one make the experience awkward. I know I am worth receiving compliments.

    • James Bauer said:

      Excellent. Thanks Rachel.

  5. chioma teney said:

    Nice one, thnks james.

  6. Nancy Nyagaya said:

    You have been a blessing to me.Much has been learn and with practice I’m sure positive results will be achieved.

  7. Vicky said:

    So simple, yet so powerful. Thanks for this advice.

  8. Rusty said:

    It has taken me years to learn how to take complements, to be able to look someone in the eyes and appreciate what they have said is a great experience. It was because of a wise older gentleman that it happened, when I shied away from his compliment he merely said …” look at me and say thank you and you do not have to complement me just except it and smile, a complement is a gift and you should show appreciation always”

    • James Bauer said:

      Hmmm. A wise man who obviously had your best interest in mind. Glad you were able to take the advice so bluntly.

  9. Lizzy said:

    Totally off topic but i wanted to send this to my ex… I think its casual… I hope it doesnt scare him away…
    “I wanted to ask you something. Sometimes you look at me differently, does that mean anything? I mean like there’s something in your eyes that is different… I cant really explain it well… So maybe I’m mistaking. Im asking because nobody looks at me like that. And if this is like super weird and you don’t know what I’m talking about, then just forget about it, but if it makes sense i would like to know. “

    • James Bauer said:

      Like maybe he is a vampire? Just kidding. But in all seriousness, your message might get a better response if you were a little more clear about what type of “look” you notice. He might be hesitant to guess at what you mean. If someone asked me this, I might think that they were fishing for a compliment, like, “Yeah, I find you so attractive… and I’m sorry if I stare.” You probably don’t mean it that way, but I thought you might be interested to know that from a man’s perspective it was the first possibility that popped into my mind about what your question could mean. Obviously I’m not him, though, so maybe he will have a better sense of what you are talking about.

  10. deborah said:

    I guess u can say I’m in an cougar relationship everything was going good 2 of his friends tried talking him out of being with me one wanted him one jealous& lied he was distant/withdrawn he didnt want to talk about it it made me walk on eggshells around him and watch what I say 2 months later things got worst the silence the awkwardness I spoke up told him I’m not liking our relationship what’s going on he said he’s thinking about moving on I said we need to have a new start now he’s thinking about it all of our happy feelings have decreased alot. advice please.

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Deborah. At this point in may be useful to let go of trying to fix the relationship, and embrace any opportunity to just have fun together. Trying to fix the relationship can come later once he remembers why he likes you and why it’s fun to be with you.

      • deborah said:

        Thx so much I will take your advice. will keep you up to date I’m going to use your programs too. Smiles. bye

  11. ellen said:

    thank you James you have no idea how much your emails mean to me after I read them is like I know I had all that confidence once and forgotten to be just me ..thank you so much

  12. I have no trouble talking to pple or accepting a compliment,i have worked in public long time , its not an issue , unless its something that shouldn’t be said and I know how to respond to it , politely !! thank you for the advice u send out , its always helpful !!!!

  13. Yasmin said:

    This is so true! When I was younger I always had problem with recieving compliment, but now I have learned to show how thankful and glad I am when someone says something nice to me. What do you think about giving compliments to a guy? My boyfriend has problems when I say to him he looks sexy or his new hairstyle is hot. He mostly answeres like this “come on, I have to go to the gym more frequently”, or “well, the hair cut could be better”. I think he is not used to get compliments, but I love to say such things to him, because they are true. Or is there a difference between women and men?

    • James Bauer said:

      His responses seem to indicate he accepts your compliments. He is just following the typical pattern of discounting what you said because he has not learned how to accept a compliment gracefully. It’s okay to keep complimenting him like that.

  14. Monica Haverkamp said:

    I work in an office with over 200 people on my team and probably 6,000 in our 2 buildings. I make it a point to complement 2 strangers a day and 2 of my team members a day both men and women. It could be something as simple as…. great shoes. I just love seeing the people smile when they are complimeneted. And if I complement someone in the elevator, it makes everyone in the elevator smile! It’s a great way to turn strangers into acquaintances and possibly allies.

  15. Naxy said:

    Hi James. Thanks once again for the great advice as always. I’m getting better and better at accepting compliments. My only challenge is the man in my life, I am so thirsty for the complement from him but I never get one. I used to think he’s just like that, but heard him complementing other women at work. Now I don’t know what could it be or is it I’m not beautiful enough for him to tell me even if its just once. I do complement him at times but I’m discouraged now

    • James Bauer said:

      Some people use compliments only as a surface-level display of social grace, kind of like the way you sound sing-songy on the phone when talking to a new friend, but more flat in vocal tone when talking on the phone with your sister. It may be that he sees compliments as something you do to make connections and be polite. Some men avoid complimenting a person they are close with because if creates strong emotions and a slight sense of vulnerability. It can be a sign of a man who is uncomfortable with strong emotions (so he does things to keep them down). It can also be a power-control thing.

      • Melissa said:

        Hmmm wonder if that is whats going on with the guy I’m seeing. I also don’t get why men ask you what your wearing before the date then make no comment about it on the date. I’ve tried to keep it mysterious by not telling them but that doesn’t seem to work either!

      • Melissa said:

        James you said men not complimenting women could be a signof a man not comfortable with serious feelings or a power control thing. Could you please explain the power control part in this scenario? I don’t understand.

  16. Esther said:

    Good advice my dear but most people they end up especially male counterparts proposing why is it like that anyway? Be patient and advise me accordingly. Thank you.

  17. Olive said:

    Ohh James each time i see a text from you i feel great. Am so happy to learn of an eye contact when it came to compliments but i wish to ask for advice on some thing. Am fun of looking my boy friend right in the eye most of the times and recently he tells me that each time i look at him in a kind of way (soft) he feels some how but i really feel he is not confortable with my too much stairing him inside his eyes. Any reply!

    • James Bauer said:

      Hey, Olive. All I can say is each person is unique, and the best kind of information you can have is the specific preferences of the particular guy you are interested in. So if this is what he’s telling you, take the information to heart.

  18. pam said:

    Thank you so much. I do love receiving your e mails and find them so helpful. xx

  19. Melissa said:

    James n blogger friends, I too was horrible at taking compliments when younger. I’ve learned how to accept them but now I never get them! I’m not talking about from people who previously complimented me, but from new guys I have been dating. I go out of my way to look especially pretty on dates by doing my makeup, dressing nice and none of them have said anything like, gee you look pretty today or I like what your wearing. I’m totally confused do guys just not do this anymore??? I dont need tons of compliments but one would be nice! Help me understand please!

  20. Bhanoo said:

    Thank u…I am a typical *ugly duckling* but have learned over the years to receive compliments well, thnx for the affirmation πŸ™‚

  21. Ayang said:

    Thank you James for the precious tips that you sent in your email, I just love you. I am just a transformed betrayed wife now, I feel confident and motivated with your tips. Thank you once again

  22. Anna said:

    As always,great advice! I am sometimes stumped by peoples compliments, & i’m thinking “you’re kiddin!” Awhile ago a lady complimented me, saying i look as young as my almost 17 year old daughter, and i seriously didnt know how to respond! I was flattered! But i thought “r u kiddin me?!??” And i could tell that she felt bad about my flustered response. Its been bugging me for months! I am so shy so i seriously dont like compliments from strangers, but i’ll take your advice and practice and next time i get a compliment, i’ll know how to make the complimenter feel good:)

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