This is Embarrassing

how to really listenAs a dating consultant, I often get feedback from my clients about what seemed to help and what didn’t.  Today I’m sharing one piece of advice that never fails to result in enthusiastic feedback from my clients.  It’s so simple, it’s embarrassing.

Are you ready?  Okay.  Here it is.  Don’t interrupt him when he’s talking.  Practice listening until he completely finishes his thought and allow a deliberate pause in the conversation before you respond.  This one change has resulted in more positive feedback than any other single training challenge I have given my clients.

Men don’t like for their sentences to be interrupted, even if you have an enthusiastic comment to make halfway through his sentence.  Even if you totally agree with him, interruptions can cause slight feelings of frustration.

Men like to be heard and they enjoy the feeling of respect that comes from someone who deeply listens to them, valuing each word they say and patiently waiting for them to finish a thought.

But listening is not enough!  Waiting your turn to respond is not enough either.  People can read it on your face when you are biting your tongue in antsy anticipation of your turn to make a point.  They can see it in the way you hold your breath or in the way your eyes dart around.  Thinking about how you will respond is not deep listening.  Deep listening means being fully present and giving your entire attention to what he is saying, rather than planning what you will say next.

how to really listenAfter he has finished talking, allow for a deliberate pause of one or two seconds while looking at the table or the ground while you finish processing the last sentence he spoke.  Then look up into his eyes as you begin to reflect on what you heard him say.  This will create a fantastic first impression of a person who is present, warm, caring, and capable.  These are elements of charisma that will cause you to stand out among the women he interacts with.

If finding a great guy is important to you right now, I’d like to help.  I have compiled a self-study program that targets the most powerful methods you can use to make yourself truly irresistible to the men you encounter.  If you’d like to access that information and begin absorbing it tonight, just click this link. 

Talk to you soon!James


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12 thoughts on “This is Embarrassing

  1. Esther Lindberg/lifestar37...EstherLouise5 said:

    Thank you James…I really needed this reminder for the one date I had over a year ago…first one after 28 years! Want to believe God will give me another opportunity but have been changing things in myself and my situation so as to be more ready.
    Your advice helps one think more of the other person rather than worrying about how one is presenting ones self. “Give (attn./care) and ye shall receive!”

    Amazing, how much I still can learn… Always time for new beginnings and growth in understanding. When past 70 and taken for early 50’s there is much more life to live!! I desire to enjoy a friendship involving partnering in every way in marriage. I learned there are different considerations at this time in life, especially if one has had money to depend on and the other has had to do much faith living; one has nursed a spouse for years til death too soon and the other has believed for and experienced.healing often without drugs by using naturals and faith. Rejoicing in hope, daily! Shalom!!

  2. bj said:

    I think guys (people in general, actually) are so accustomed to being interrupted that they are actually thrown when someone doesn’t do it. I am very careful to not interrupt people when they are talking, and my guy will stop and ask “um, don’t you have anything to say about that?” And I’ll explain that I do, but I was simply waiting for him to finish. I get this at work, as well; I speak to most of our clients by phone and halfway through a rant or whatever, they’ll yell “are you still there?” and I’ll just explain again I was waiting for them to finish.

  3. Melanie said:

    This is one of my HUGE complaints with guys. When I’m talking they either interrupt, or if I pause for breath, they start off on their story, often not even acknowledging my part of the conversation. I hope you post this for men. They are not the only with important things to say.

    • James Bauer said:

      Yeah, I think men are worse at this than women. If only they knew how much difference it could make for their relationships.

    • Terri said:

      Thank you! And what does one do if their gentleman friend lost 70% of their hearing, cannot hear much of what you are saying, jumps in before you are done with your sentence?

      • James Bauer said:

        Ugh. That doesn’t sound like much fun, Terri. It might be worth the risk involved to just go ahead and write him a letter explaining how that sort of behavior detracts from the joy that you otherwise find in the relationship. Focus on giving him a few very small, practical steps he can take to stop interrupting you so much. Ask him if he would be willing to work with you on it…that is, let you point it out to him when he is doing it so he can learn different patterns of communication with you.

  4. Essraa said:

    I think this is a great piece of advice not only for relationships but for daily life interactions in general. Usually we do know that interrupting isn’t a good idea but we forget and continue doing it. Thank you for reminding us 🙂

  5. Bernadette said:

    I think someone who can listen, not interrupt and can be genuinely compassionate and caring are sexy! This info is priceless for both men and women, because we are all guilty of not fully being present and listening. Thanks for the wakeup call! Bernadette.

  6. tesia said:

    Very good advise. It took my husband to leave me for another woman before I started to listen and not interrupt. I have used this method ever since. I found out, that by talking in the middle of the conversation or by helping them by putting words in when they pause it caused them to become even more confused and they then turn off and this then means you don’t get the whole story or the whole truth. I also wait for their eyes to drop away after the pause, waiting for them to look back at me and then start my side of the conversation. It irritates me now more so when people interrupt me and I normally turn and walk away if it’s done a lot by someone. It makes them think what’s happened here why isn’t she listening to me. I do tell them but give them time to think about it. I always get an apology and they don’t do it again.

  7. Carma Spence said:

    This skill is probably one of my biggest challenges. I have ADD and have poor verbal impulse control. Thankfully, my boyfriend in understanding and we’re developing a way to work around this particular quirk.

  8. MANJARI said:

    Hii …james..it is a great feeling to read your post…the suggestions from you are very appropriate for every situation..i really appreciate your work .you helped me alot.I’m very grateful to you from bottom of my heart.plz.. Do send me your valuable comments or suggestions in future also…your words are marking my way to win my hubby’s heart..thankyou…thankyou …sooo. So much..for making my life full of new hopes and happiness..

    • James Bauer said:

      Thank you, Manjari! I’m pleased to be a part of your journey toward hope and happiness!

      James

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