When Less Is More

important qualities in a manMinimalism is a growing trend in the world of fashion.

It refers to the idea of whittling your wardrobe down to just a few pieces that can easily be mixed and matched. It’s all about putting the essentials front and center and removing the fluff.

Really, that’s what minimalism is. And the concept can be applied to your relationship approach, as well.

You probably have a list of qualities you look for in a guy. Maybe a long list. There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want and going for it. But don’t let your list of target qualities get so long and cluttered that you lose focus on what’s most important to you.

Instead, try applying the concept of minimalism to how you date.

Consider the qualities you value in a potential boyfriend. Now, identify the ones that really matter. The ones that are essential. Push all the other stuff to the side.

You’ll likely be left with core character traits and values. These are the things that really matter when you’re considering a potential relationship.

By getting minimalistic with your wish list, you’ll discover the underlying attributes that are nonnegotiable for you.

Any guy you date is going to have flaws. If you can’t have everything on your wish list, isn’t it best to focus on the must-haves?


important qualities in a manWhen you zero in on the kind of character you hope to find, an interesting thing happens. You discover there are more potential matches out there than you realized. It’s the less is more approach to dating. You’ll also find that some of the fluff you eliminated from your focus really doesn’t matter as much as you thought it did!

Do what you can to narrow your focus. Decide what matters most to you in a guy and hone in on that. A minimalist approach might just be the key to your happiness.

Always on your side,

James Bauer

P.S. You might apply this principle to your whole life. A minimalist approach to life means you have to give up trying to do and have everything. You focus on just the things that matter the most to you.

It’s tough letting go, but usually life satisfaction increases once you’ve reduced the clutter in your mind, in your physical world, and on your calendar.

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13 thoughts on “When Less Is More

  1. Arlene said:


    I agree 100% with this.

    I have collected so many things during the last 20 years and it really is time to “let go”. Less is More. And each year, I keep giving more of it away or occasionally sell something on eBay. It’s a win-win situation.

    Thank you for sharing with us some of the most important concepts to healthy and happy living.

    Arlene 🙂

  2. Ruth said:

    Hi James,

    I hear what you say and maybe I am still too hung up on my x boyfriend? But spending time with new minimalistic guy… at times… it feels like settling for 2nd best? Can we be happy if we settle?

    • Tracey said:

      Hi Ruth,

      I just wanted to quickly respond to your comment and say that its hard to know sometimes if you are actually settling. We all have baggage that we carry and sometimes that baggage can cloud what is right in front of us. I think James describes it best in a past blog post. Have a look and see if that helps.

      Whichever way you decide to go, always remember that you deserve happiness and fulfillment.

      Best wishes,

  3. Sarah said:

    Thanks James, always love what you say!

  4. Sarah said:

    James my name is Sarah and I’m actually going through a transition where I might be a cast members on a new reality show called looking for love, reading your books about being irresistible and if I do good Tonight on interview and get casted, I could really use your help and advice, basically I’m going to have to impress a guy over other girls like in the bachelor and I’ll probably only get 20 minutes to do it I’m a pretty outgoing person and I do a lot of positive emotions I’m just curious what things I can do to put myself ahead of the game. Let me know

    • James Bauer said:

      That sounds like fun, Sarah! Good luck! Though I also want to remind you of something. You are the prize. Don’t get so caught up in the game and pressure of the show that you forget to ask whether you actually want a relationship with “the man.” Keep absorbing my material and send our relationship coaches any personal questions you have as they come up.

  5. nekky said:

    This is really true. Less is more. The less you complain, the less you demand, the less you expect the happier and relaxed you get. I have mastered this act and I am perfecting it, I think my life is made a lot simpler now. Thanks a lot James.

  6. peggy said:

    How do i let him know i want to spend more time with him without sounding needy

  7. Victoria Fabling said:

    Brilliant! I think society, myself included, was getting lost in hype, myths and ego. People who married the man next door are often happy, and those who refused to settle – well they are often happy too – but still single.

  8. Donna painter said:

    I have a boyfriend of short 9 months.. When I met him he played darts..after that sport not ended but died down. He played golf pretty much every weekend… Now he’s coaching little boys football. After that it’s hunting for the next few months. Then it starts over again.. We argue so much because he has no time for me… Seems like he don’t really care or he’d put a break in here somewhere. He ask s me to go do the stuff with him. But it’s what he wants to do. October is my month for festivals. He just told me tonight .. He’s really never been into festivals but he’d try it… It seems he don’t wanna give his 50/50.. I’m giving 100.. Do everything for him. But nothing in return. He’s 38 and the longest relationship he’s been in has been about 2 years… Others has only lasted months. I guess that’s one of my signs. He’s selfish it seems and a spoiled one at that. Everything he does it’s a game. Darts. Golf. Cards. Pool..hunting .. He’s good with my little boy. He works… Pays his bills. Not a drug addict. But has a lot other stuff going on. So please tell me if I need to let loose of this one .. Thank you so much…

    • James Bauer said:

      Hi Donna. Take a look at this report I created for more in-depth information about dating men who seem very busy. It’s possible that his idea of an ideal relationship is not going to sync up well with your idea of an ideal relationship. But before you give up, take a look at this report.


  9. Petra Bauer said:

    The more is less concept makes perfect sense in many areas of life.

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